Union Budget for simpletons

Every year, since the time I discovered the Newspaper, I've tried to read every single column in the annual budget edition. The first time was maybe when I was thirteen or fourteen years old, I went through it, I couldn't understand one word, so I thought,"I'm too young for this, may be next year". Its been 10 years since, and I still keep telling myself the same thing.

Anyway, I went through the whole budget edition grudgingly, and came up with a list of things that I understood.This is for simpletons like me, who can't understand and care about what tax cuts, excise duties and MAT accounts are, and most importantly, for those who hate if numbers, obstructed sentences:

1) You've got to pay tax, doesn't matter how much, they are taking from your hard earned cash
2)You have to pay more for petrol, diesel or whatever you use to fuel up your car.
3) In case you are planning to change your car, get ready to shell out more cash.
4) Did your mobile get stolen?..Here's some reason to cheer, mobile prices have reduced.Yeah!
5)Don't become too happy if the same thing happened to your Ipod, apparently prices of electronic stuff have gone up.
6)Good thing if you are on a diet, food prices will go up for sure.
7)Get ready to travel to Delhi or Bombay or wherever by train, Plane fares going up
8)If you have some illness, again a reason to cheer, prices of medicines will reduce
9)Is anyone in your family getting married?,either try wearing pearls on a thread to the wedding, or popularizing copper jewelry 'cos gold is a rich man's dream now.Oh! but wait, even copper prices have gone up.
10)Wanna buy a house?, pay more
11)Wanna eat a biscuit?, pay more
12)Wanna watch a pirated DVD at home?, pay more 'cos the original ones are getting cheaper.
All in all, I cant find one good thing in it for me, All the best for the rest of you guys!

The little master-An emotion

I panicked and unlocked the door,
Together they sat, all serious and sombre,
My dad, my mom and my brother,
They missed a meal, they forgot hunger,
The bell rang, all it got was a cold shoulder,
The cell beeped but it was only a whimper,
all that mattered was the Television, and uninterrupted power,
On the screen, was the cricket player,
just a five-footer,
He was called The Little Master,
I never believed that he was so super,
that was till I heard what the commentator,
199, he had made, oh! what a scorer!
He just needed one run to be the victor,
I became a sudden cricket lover,
and hit the one run, he did much later,
and provided all of us a much needed breather,
then my dad turned over,
He said,"Hail Sachin Tendulkar!"

To All the so-called Movie Critics

Dear Critics/ Sometimes Suckers,
Once upon a time when I thought Bollywood movies were the best and the Khans were the only people in the country who can act, I used to depend on movie reviews by you guys, like thousands of people in this country, to make up an opinion on a particular movie before actually venturing out to watch it.
All was well, I used to read the review, watch the movie and that was that.Then, came a whirlwind in bollywood in the name of 'Mohabbatein'.If I remember properly, that movie had got 3 or 3.5 stars on 5, generously given by on of your counterparts, Khalid Mohammad, who at that time wrote for The Times of India. As was my habit, I went all excited to watch the Yash Chopra magnum opus, in which starred my favorite hero, albeit at that time.My world came crashing down.That was the worst movie EVER. I can tolerate boring love stories, I can tolerate insane tragedies, I can tolerate bad actors, I can tolerate 6 songs,I can tolerate a grouchy Amitabh, but a combination of all these and more, I am sorry I'm just not upto it.
But I forgave you, I thought it was just a bump on a somewhat smooth road till then.Then came a time, when the same critic KM, gave Lagaan 3.5 stars and Gadar 2.5.Then, somewhat my faith faltered.Anyway, the critic either resigned or was fired, I'm not sure which and he was replaced by Rashid Irani, for a while and then came the "best" of the lot, Mr.Nikhat Kazmi.
I thought, lets see how things go now, since there's a new guy on the block. Fast forward to February 2010. One fine friday morning, I open the paper to check the review for My Name is Khan and voila, a neat 5 stars.Okay Chill, I said to myself, Don't trust anyone.Then I went on checking all the websites that provide inane paragraphs in the name of reviews, by all of you guys, and they all promoted the movie too.
Anyway, I booked tickets for it, and I was all set to watch the biggest movie after 3 idiots, whatever "big" may mean. The movie started and Shahrukh, what with his autism and all, was pretty tolerable for a while. I did feel sorry for him the first time he said "My name is Khan and I'm not a terrorist", but when he kept on saying the same line over and over again, all thanks to Karan Johar's obsession with glorifying everything in the movie, including the guy's disease, his strength to single handedly build back a ravaged town, and his ability to repeat the same dialogue over and over, and all over again.
And I had to go through 3 hours of torture, only because of you guys, Please, all I want to ask of you is, keep your opinions to yourself!
Thanks

 (After writing this post i realised that Nikhat Kazmi is a she!..no point in changing the post now:)  )

Full Monty

I do not know why the sun rises everyday,
The sun rise makes it inevitable for me to enter my work bay,
Oh!I wish the sun would never rise on a weekday,
But if everyday were a holiday,
Then I'd be a sucker without a pay,
So let the sun rise everyday,
and I can afford to watch a movie in pvr or eat in pizza hut whenever I may,
But there is no time for all this play,
Again I wish everyday were a holiday,
Then I'd get bored roaming around night and day,
Let the sun rise on a weekday,
Then I could hold my head high and say,
"I'm working in technology, b or a"
I've no clue about it anyway,
Welcome to my world, I'm a software engineer, that's all I've got to say!