Dear Critics/ Sometimes Suckers,
Once upon a time when I thought Bollywood movies were the best and the Khans were the only people in the country who can act, I used to depend on movie reviews by you guys, like thousands of people in this country, to make up an opinion on a particular movie before actually venturing out to watch it.
All was well, I used to read the review, watch the movie and that was that.Then, came a whirlwind in bollywood in the name of 'Mohabbatein'.If I remember properly, that movie had got 3 or 3.5 stars on 5, generously given by on of your counterparts, Khalid Mohammad, who at that time wrote for The Times of India. As was my habit, I went all excited to watch the Yash Chopra magnum opus, in which starred my favorite hero, albeit at that time.My world came crashing down.That was the worst movie EVER. I can tolerate boring love stories, I can tolerate insane tragedies, I can tolerate bad actors, I can tolerate 6 songs,I can tolerate a grouchy Amitabh, but a combination of all these and more, I am sorry I'm just not upto it.
But I forgave you, I thought it was just a bump on a somewhat smooth road till then.Then came a time, when the same critic KM, gave Lagaan 3.5 stars and Gadar 2.5.Then, somewhat my faith faltered.Anyway, the critic either resigned or was fired, I'm not sure which and he was replaced by Rashid Irani, for a while and then came the "best" of the lot, Mr.Nikhat Kazmi.
I thought, lets see how things go now, since there's a new guy on the block. Fast forward to February 2010. One fine friday morning, I open the paper to check the review for My Name is Khan and voila, a neat 5 stars.Okay Chill, I said to myself, Don't trust anyone.Then I went on checking all the websites that provide inane paragraphs in the name of reviews, by all of you guys, and they all promoted the movie too.
Anyway, I booked tickets for it, and I was all set to watch the biggest movie after 3 idiots, whatever "big" may mean. The movie started and Shahrukh, what with his autism and all, was pretty tolerable for a while. I did feel sorry for him the first time he said "My name is Khan and I'm not a terrorist", but when he kept on saying the same line over and over again, all thanks to Karan Johar's obsession with glorifying everything in the movie, including the guy's disease, his strength to single handedly build back a ravaged town, and his ability to repeat the same dialogue over and over, and all over again.
And I had to go through 3 hours of torture, only because of you guys, Please, all I want to ask of you is, keep your opinions to yourself!
(After writing this post i realised that Nikhat Kazmi is a she!..no point in changing the post now:) )