How the dumbass got hitched, went mad and ran away

38 comments
When enlightened Managers used to speak about the phenomenon "Paradigm Shift" in every meeting that happened in every nook and corner of the office, and at the drop of every tag (you see, no hats allowed in office), I used to wonder what the hell were they gassing about. But now suddenly its all very clear to me. You see, the most complex theories in life are understood by applying them to our daily lives. So essentially "Paradigm shift" is the exact 180 degree shift that happens in a girl's parents once she completes her graduation. Didn't get my point?

Okay dimwit (I'm sure you are a guy!) , Here's the explanation in the form of a precious story:

Till the girl is in college, parents force her to study, as though she's missing a chance at being the next Sonia Gandhi, even though, thanks to Subramanian Swamy (Thanks to Vishal for pointing out that I'm indeed a dimwit) we all know she herself isn't a graduate. Anyway, thats not my point, they act as if the sky is going to fall on her head if she doesn't study. But once her graduation is done, and she starts thinking, "My wonderful parents, they supported me so much. Let me study further. Let me go abroad and do my Masters. Oh! They are going to be so proud".

With a hope in her heart, and specs in her eyes (Yes, she studied too much), she runs home. She tells her dad,
"Daddy, I have decided to go Mashshashoeshetts Institute of Technology to do MS in Information crappology. I'd rather clean their shit wherever they poop than helping them do it long distance. There are two advantages, One, I'll earn in dollars and two, I don't like to waste money on ISD and three, I'll make you and mummy proud"

So Daddy Darling says,

"I have two problems in your proposition. Number one, you said two advantages and mentioned three, and Number two, you are not going anywhere. You'll sit here and marry the guy we ask you to."

So, the girl, dumbass that she is, is confused to the core.
"Are these the same parents that sent me to hundred tuitions when I couldn't clear English in 9th standard? Are these the same parents that bribed my teacher to give me a passing mark in Social science!!"

You foolish girl. Its called "Paradigm Shift", Deal with it!

So,the shift has started. It leads to another phenomenon called the "Technological drift". Girl starts drifting away from the parents and parents start drifting towards the computer, whose existence till that point of time mattered to them as much as the existence of a red-assed baboon in Mysore zoo mattered to the girl. Now, they want to know how that Babbage guy came up with "C" and whats up with "C++", he could've as well called it "E" and shit like that.

"Idiot!", the Daddy says as he clumsily types google into the google search bar and asks the girl how "Bharatmatrimony.com" can be contacted.

Girl pulls her remaining hair out, the strands that remain after the tortorous brainwashing that she undergoes in her long-distance poop-picking up corporation.

So, the Mummy-Daddy catch hold of the sibling, usually younger, frequently bullied upon, and generally of the opposite sex, who is waiting for a chance to relinquish all the past sins of the semi-devilish sister. The sibling grabs his choice and gives the best tutorial they can buy from a gangly 19 year old who has no better work to do than watch one thousand movies a day, on the laptop of the same sister he is currently backstabbing.

Now, suddenly Mummy-Daddy are overnight tech geniuses, googling, filtering and choosing carefully from a million mad males online.

Next comes "The Tipping point". Mummy Daddy shortlist guy, bring him home and with the broadest of broad minds, they say,

"Feel free children, go into this room and talk"

So girl and guy settle in the nearest room.

Guy blushes, he lifts his head slowly and meets the girls eyes. With all the might that he can conjure, he asks the most important question.

"What are your hobbies?"

Girl lifts her head (Imagine Ekta Kapoor's serial, with full effect, she lifts it five times)

That's the extent of their talks. Based on this irreplaceable and impeccable question, the Mummy-Daddy decide that this boy is the one. (In real life, multiply this step "The tipping point" by thirty to get the exact extent of the nonsense)

They get them married and they live happily ever after.

The parents, I mean.

The boy and girl? Who cares about them anyway?

In case, you want to know what happened to them, read the title. It may give you an idea.

Moral of the story: Don't discuss your story with me, it may end up on my blog.

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to any girl who's reaching 25, works in the corporate world, has an extended family with many "well-wishers" and is still single, is purely incidental.




38 comments:

  1. Guess every corporate girl has same story..Sad!

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    1. Not everyone, only 99% of them :)

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    2. Ha ha..only 1% has balls..or may be not..:P

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  2. You brought out a very important and serious issue very well laced with your sarcastic humor. It is really sad to see many parents who give their daughters all the freedom in the world fail to give them the choice of making the most important decision of their lives.

    P.S: You really have an amazing sense of humor. :)

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    1. Beautifully written. Was laughing all the way through even while feeling the urgency and tragedy of what you are writing about. Loved the "What are your hobbies" and the lifts her head five times bit.

      PS: If this comment is going to show up as a reply to another comment, it is probably because of my Firefox 3.7 not showing me the comment box but letting me see the "reply" link. Please ignore.

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    2. @Raj- Thank you for the PS :)

      @Subhorup- Hahaha

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  3. Actually, the "Feel free children, go into this room and talk", "You need to decide on your lives", etc translates into - "You are a dummy. Give your dummy approval so that we can do whatever we want citing your approval"

    Destination Infinity

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    1. Are you a parent too? you seem to be adept at deciphering their talk :D

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  4. hmmm...nice to read the story of a girl... :)
    dnt have anythng to commnt yet... :P

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    1. You are a boy!..thats y nothing to comment!

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  5. They could have called it Paradigm Shit (instead of shift); would've made much more sense.

    Hilarious one.

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  6. I am glad I inspired the frustration in u!hehehe anyway that was a lovely read! And dear I really wish u jus settle down with the guy you want and not succumb to societal pressures.

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  7. Good post.. :)
    Even the frustrations come out in a comic way on your blog.

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    1. Frustration is the root cause of all comedy, atleast in my case!

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  8. Hahahahaha :P.
    Whose story did you steal now? :P
    Poor girl, she might come at you with a knife :P :P.
    At first I thought it was your story :D ;) :P.

    Well, this is so true :D :P.
    So sad for us girls :( :P. Damn the Paradigm shift :| :P.
    I loved this line >> Mashshashoeshetts Institute of Technology to do MS in Information crappology. :P :P :D.
    Awesome it is ;) :D :P.
    How do you write so funny? ;)
    Tips please :D :P.

    And Now I know to never tell you my story :P

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  9. Subramanium Shastry eh? I thought he was Subramanium Swamy :P

    And you call us guys dimwits... ;)

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    1. I have changed it and added a thank you note to you.. :D..but bhavanaon ko samjho, not facts! :)

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  10. LMAO! the story of every indian girl post 25. I love love love the way u narrate! its simply hilarious!
    the groom-hunt started in my house a coupla yrs ago. I have posted on somewat the similar topic in my blog.
    http://www.moicrap.blogspot.in/2010/04/ready-get-set-view.html
    do read wen u get the time. But you are by far the most hilarious person I've met.. off screen that is. :)

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    1. I read ur post :)..and commented too!

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  11. You have an exquisite sense of humour, I must say. Loved reading it. Enjoyed the subtle satire tremendously. There's a satirist deep down in me too, you see.

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    1. Yes, I know..thats why I enjoy reading your blog :)

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  12. 25 is the right age I think..

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  13. I follow your blog and this really made me comment!
    Written so well with humor. So the parents dont make sing a song any more? I think it was a decade back....ya I did it for one stupid guy and his family. :-)

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  14. Let me know how long you last before you succumb to the 'parental guidance' and select an MNC slave (settled abroad to help you with your academic dream of going to Massosshoeesheets, as they might probably explain :)

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  15. @Raja- Right age to marry a guy with the background of his hobbies? :O

    @Anonymous- Noooooooo! Thank god!

    @Journomuse- Not long..the pressure is building like crazy!

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  16. hahaha! nice blog. loved this post about the paradign shift although i thought we were the last gen to witness it (i am 33)

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  17. now a days tho they share mobile numbers before engagement itself and talk on phone till midnight.. they also meet couple of times. I think your friend is from a highly cultured family.

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  18. Atrocity..atrocity...everywhere...
    not a single place to run..

    Hilarious....but sad..
    Good Luck to you :)

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  19. @Confused- Hope this is the last!

    @Kunal- Thanks :D

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  20. An Award for one of my favorite Blogger http://sweetsomethingz.blogspot.in/2012/03/versatile-blogger.html :D :).

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  21. hahahaha!! This was absolutely hilarious Keerthana :D Loved every bit of it. Man! Your sense of humor is something else! :P

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  22. Thank You...
    Its was quiet a typical Ana_treek stuff... LOL :D

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  23. LOL! I grew mesmerized with the idea of Paradigm Shift without actually knowing what that meant :D Poor girl ...Her MIT dreams are dripping in the crappiness of her life! :D Again...so so hilarious Ana! Love your humor!! :D And Parents ..UFF..they just don't get it,do they?! :P

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