Be Indian, Do Western

Since the last time I wrote, there have been significant changes in my life. Like I have started preferring any font other than blogger default, I have acquired significant taste in UI design which was making me hate how this blog looked so I changed it, and also, I got married.

Anyway, my rant today will have nothing to do with any of those topics (Boy! Am I loving this font!) I am breaking my blog-fast due to an immensely important event that happened recently.

Yesterday, I went to the mall. Yes, the same place where every Bangalorean goes to brush, bathe, eat, shit, and sleep every weekend. Since, we are on this topic, let me show you through this illustration below, the conversation that happens in every IT ridden household lying within 50km of Bangalore's radius. Can anyone actually point out to me where Bangalore's center lies? I hear its called Whitefield nowadays.

If you're wondering, I did pick up this meme-skill when I went on the Blog-fast. Thank you.

Anyway, my point of contention today is none of the above. When I was there, someone called. No not any of my f(r)iends, I have none left. It was nature. 

Since it was a sunday, and as pointed earlier, every one out of one and a half bangaloreans were there (The halves were left at home, with either moms or MILs), a huge queue had resulted in the holy abode. The call was stern, and being an Indian, my primary instinct was to jugaadify myself to the front. Of course, being un-talented also falls into the equation, and I could get no further. 

I peeped amidst the heaving bellies, and the heavy bottoms to find light at the end of the tunnel. There were seemingly four doors at the end of the queue which no one wanted to enter. It was a pre-republic day miracle. I rushed to the front to see what's happening, and there in bold letters, it was written, the two words that makes any modest appetite-d Indian lady's every bone, back and bladder shudder -  INDIAN STYLE

No one, I mean no one wanted to enter it, but I did. Women looked at me like "Mein baith ke tatti nahi karti" was engraved on my forehead. It was brutal. Once I completed my duties, I ran from the judging stares and resumed my thoughts.  

Why wouldn't people want to go there? WHY?

There can be 3 reasons:
  • They are westerners disguised as Indians
  • They are struck by an osteoarthritis epidemic (Apparently, even teens were affected)
  • They watched the Govt. of India sponsored's video on open defecation 
I go with the third option. Yes, like everything else that's happening, it's definitely the government's fault. Look at the ad (0:22 to 0:24) where a guy who definitely looks IT, defecating by SQUATTING abominably. Of course, we shouldn't do that. We promote Swacch Bharath, so we'll SIT and Shit.

My god! What have I done? So un-patriotic of me. I used the Indian style. Please accept this public apology.

Happy Republic Day! Be Indian, Do Western.

On a completely unrelated side note: Here's a health tip -


  1. Indian style is healthier. Indian food is healthier. Indian customs are healthier. But we ditch all that because... we want more comfort.

    BTW, what a silly topic to come back to blogging. But come back you did - so far so good :P

    Destination Infinity

  2. Haha.. It's a very important & ignored topic :P


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