Another day at home

Relationships, especially in a family,and especially in mine, have always baffled me. One moment, all is hunky-dory and the next, it is utter chaos.
Over the last 15 years, I have seen aunts and uncles, leave my house swearing never to return, I have seen cousins not knowing which way to swing, I have seen my mom crib about not being able to talk to a few members of the afore mentioned "family" because of some unfortunate happenings, I have seen uncles acting awkward with other uncles who they were not on speaking terms with, I have seen cousins who stay in the same house but barely speaking to each other, and I have seen the same people coming back together to celebrate an occasion and suchlike, mostly everything that happens in a normal dysfunctional family. I have friends with absolutely no clue about such mundane problems.The reason they don't know such problems exist is because their families are so far flung that they come together only when needed.The reason I know about these problems is because my family is, or rather was, suffocatingly close.
I want a picture perfect family, like the ones they show on KJo movies, not like one on arrested development, though my family has a loooong way to go before they can come even a bit close to either of them. Anyway, through all these grouses, we have had more good times than bad ones. The reason I'm writing all this is because, my sister is getting married and there are certain issues, that are not making this occasion not as happy as its meant to be. I hope everything will come back to normal and I can strut in her wedding reception.

How?

How on earth do I manage to do things that only I can do??..I screwed up a technical presentation.How could I?.Everyone's saying that it was not so bad, but I'm sure they are just trying to be polite.I know that it was THE worst presentation of my life.

My tryst with horrible presentations, started way back when I was in the 5th standard.I took part in a kannada debate, I dont remember what the topic was, all I remember is that throughout the presentation I was looking up towards the ceiling, as if I was waiting for it to open somehow, so that I could fly away from there.Some insensitive people also commented that I looked like a blind girl praying to god, what with the repeated 'aaaaaaaaa' after every word!
The after effects of my feat were so remarkable that I didnt try it again for 10-12 yrs after that.

Then, came the "dreaded" subject seminar in my engineering.Now, dont get me wrong, Im not the kind of person who gets nervous easily.There are some people including my own family, who call me 'over confident'. I dont agree with them, naturally, but still, I expect myself to put up a pretty decent show.But lo!,My presentation was so "good" that I was made to repeat it, citing inadequate data as the reason.I could live with that.There was no problem with me, only with the data.I repeated the presentation and all was well, once more.

I was done with that and was living my life happily, when ILI came along.It completely changed my perception about my public speaking abilities.I actually was a finalist in one of the events, where I was imitating Rakhi Sawant.I thought, When i could do that, I could do anything..People used to choose me for every event that included presentations.Can you believe it?.I ruled the roost.

But wait, I hadnt anticipated this day, today.Today marked the rebirth of I-forget-words-while-speaking wussie in me.
I hate you, Wussie..GO BACK!