Of Therapists and Kamakshi, the Cat

19 comments
As my derangia was becoming uncontrollable, I decided to visit a mental hookie clinic which gives psycho advice for free and sometimes even pays you for it if you prove to them that you are faithfully following their insane advice. Apparently, its not so easy to convince them, you see, they are schizophrenia veterans. You think you've convinced one guy, he says "brb" and goes to check his account balance to do the transfer, and instead comes back as Sheldon cooper and asks, "For what abominable reason which this terra firma cannot fathom, do I need to give you money?"
Try convincing him! Anyway, thats a story for another day. So, I clicked on this link Mentally yours. (I don't know they must've moved to another link :D)

This is the advice they gave me. Because of all the joblessness and idleness, that I explained to you in my previous post (If you really wanna torture yourself, go ahead I'm not stopping you: Joblessness and Crappiness), my mental sanity is degrading directly proportional to time. In simple, non engineering words, it means that I'm going mad, day by day. So they suggested, I get a pet. I told them that my bank balance is so low that even my uninvited common house mosquito died due to malnutrition. after sucking my blood for one whole hour, how can I afford to feed a pet?


So, my therapist, he thought and thought, then for a while he went into his alter-ego Rakhi Sawant, and
mistook me for Mika. I had to undergo mental abuse and curses from "Jejus", while I unsuccessfully convinced that this is a new haircut that I got in Jawed Habib's studio for 600 bucks! (I can't believe I look like Mika!! 600 bloody bucks!) 
Finally, I had to apologise for smooching a true Bharatiya Nari and pray that he/she came back to his/her senses.
Finally, the psycho-the-rapist (sorry, I'm bad at spelling so I need to split the word) was back.

Lets not go off the topic. Anyway, he thought for a while and suggested that I have an imaginary pet. Many of his patients, including himself do this and it has helped them a lot. Most of them are still locked in the loonie bin, but what the heck, at least now they are not alone. I said, "Hmmm..let me try it"
I didn't want to stay there much longer, as I didn't wanna see alter-ego No.3, Sanjay Dutt coming on. I fled.

I thought of a dog first. Of course, being so non-imaginative, I choose a dog, even when I can have a unicorn for god's sake!
 Then, I changed my mind, dogs are boring to talk to. They just drool around seeking bloody attention from you and well! whatever, I cursed my imagination and decided that I'll have a cat, since I hate cats.

Cats are cunning and they don't give a damn whether you coochie-coo them or not. Suits me just fine. So, next thing, I've got to do is decide how my cat's going to look. Its white, I can tell you that and bloody racist. It's got nothing to show, but puts up its price even on its poop. Its almost garfield-ly fat but thinks that it's a skinny babe. What bloody show off!

So, I get sick of the cat and her over-acting and name it: Kamakshi, the cat..

I was just telling Kamakshi today morning how my mom's cooking antics are driving me off the edge.

"Can you imagine, Kamakshi? She made Pani Puri for breakfast. I mean I know she's excited about her new cooking class and all, but Pani Puri for breakfast?!!"

She yawned.

Bloody cat!

I don't say it aloud, don't wanna annoy her on the first day itself.

"So Kamakshi, what do you do in the night? sly cat and all, you are..hmm what's your type of guy, eh?"

She turns her face and continues to sleep.

Fuck you!


Anyway, I don't wanna give up on her yet.

"So Kaamu, guess what? You are gonna help me get better. I'm going insane, you know. I'll tell you my problems and you be my agony aunt"

At this, she freaks out, jumps from her place and runs away without even turning back, like she's off to save her dear life from a raging rabid dog!

I know I'll never see her again.

Good Riddance!
Hmmm..Time for a new pet!























19 comments:

  1. Holy crap!!! U look like u r really loosing it... hold it together, woman... HOLD IT... :P

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  2. @Nikhil- Lol..hahahahahah..I'm reading it and thinking, "Am I crazy?"

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  3. Your idleness has led to this...imagining going to psycho-the-rapist and imagining pets...haha...

    Time for a real pet...will at least get rid of idleness.. :P

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  4. whenever and wherever i see your comment i will ask myself " crazy women !"

    Nothing to matter, however we are we will be scrutinized.
    either we are insane or sane, just live and enjoy !
    420

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  5. @Kunal- Good Idea!

    @Deepak- Right, you are :)

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  6. is the entire post hypothetical. if not then plz give me the address of that clinic. i can prove them in few seconds that i m insane beyond treatment :D (provided they give money). and i love crazy posts. keep it up :)

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  7. @Deb- Keep guessing if the post is hypothetical or not! :)

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  8. good idea
    like the narration

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  9. Insanely awesome. :)
    Loved this line very much "I told them that my bank balance is so low that even my uninvited common house mosquito died due to malnutrition. after sucking my blood for one whole hour" hahaha.

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  10. This post was entertaining and insightful in a cuckoo kind of way...enjoyed reading...i hope you find a new pet btw! All the best on curing ur ascending mental breakdown :P

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  11. @sm- Thanks!

    @Vinay- :D

    @Imran- Thanks for visiting..keep coming for more insanity!

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  12. u should have imagined a dog instead... it will patiently listen to u n keep all ur secrets!!

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  13. one eyebrow raised.... had a Waaaa moment... -Rishi

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  14. I was grinning like a cheshire cat-yep your post has side effects.

    But I fell off my chair when I read this -I told them that my bank balance is so low that even my uninvited common house mosquito died due to malnutrition. after sucking my blood for one whole hour, how can I afford to feed a pet?

    Hmm so will you bear my medical expenses?

    Btw Howlarious post- LOVED IT.

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  15. @Purba- Wow! Super compliment,that too from you! You made my day!

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  16. @Jaidev- Craziness not under my control!

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  17. Wow! Insanity Partner :P ;). Join the team :P :D.
    Hehehe! Another Awesome post :).
    All I can think now is, "Why didn't I find this blog before this?". Too good dear, too good :).
    Aah! I love Unicorns <3 :D :P. But they are worser than Cat when it comes to their pride :P so not a good pet ;) :P.

    This Line "I told them that my bank balance is so low that even my uninvited common house mosquito died due to malnutrition. after sucking my blood for one whole hour, how can I afford to feed a pet?" Had me rolling on the floor =)).
    I love the way you write dear :). Awesome!!

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