Two Agneepaths and One Shapath

46 comments
I had a lot of time to think while I was watching the movie Agneepath. All thanks to our good producer Karan Johar who presumes that I'm very jobless This is one of the reasons why I admire him. He's so adept at upholding our constitution. How else would you explain the blatant abuse of  "Freedom of expression", He has redefined it. According to him, it means Freedom to express yourself for whatever length of time you want at any cost, (even if it is hurting the collective asses of all dumbasses who come to watch my movies).

I forced my friends to go to the 1:55 PM show thinking that we'll be out by 4:15 max, but thanks to our brilliant Karan Johar who told his new director, "Forget editing, Let them sit and rot in the theatre", I was so wrong.

Before I go blabbering on, let me tell you that I haven't seen the first Agneepath, I must've been 3 years old when it released and still the lunacy hadn't taken off. So, I cannot make any comparisons. All I know is, there are two kinds of movies, those that actually force me to watch, and those in which I can't keep my mouth shut. Agneepath belongs to the second category.

See, I watch all the movies and I hate most of them and people hate me for that. I don't know if I should give credit for my OCD which makes me tend to dissect every part of the movie and obsess about it or to my insanity that forces me to gobble up even movies like Double Dhamaal, Golmaal Returns etc etc and suffer from a never ending hangover during which others get headaches. Most of my friends don't want to watch movies with me anymore, they say that I have spoiled the complete experience of movie watching. I tell them that the movies themselves have spoiled the experience of movie watching, Don't you agree with me? If not, I think I should introduce you to my friends.

Anyway, let me come back to Agneepath. The movie started off with a Masterji, his wifeji and his sonji who we all can predict, whilst nodding off (to sleep), will grow up to be Hritik Roshan. Understandably, Masterji is killed. Then sonji has to take revenge against an almost comedic demon cum villian Kanchaji (Are you getting pissed off? Did you think that Sanjay Dutt gave his career best performance? If you think so, then you may also say that two and two makes five). Let me tell you, this is the best time to take an afternoon siesta, maybe for 30-45 mins. I assure you, you wouldn't have missed much. Just know the characters, masterji, wifeji, sonji who's now Hritik (after you wake up), Kanchaji, lalaji, Sisterji and girlfriendji (I don't know why I'm using 'Ji' everywhere. I swear I cant stop) who runs a Kaali Maata Chinese beauty parlour.

So, this is point where my mouth starts shooting off. I start with lame jokes. Do you need examples? One senti-aunty says to Hritik's sister (who's meeting her after a bloody 15 years, the last time she met senti-aunty was when she was a new born), "Inhi haathon ne tujhe paidha kiya tha..yaad hai beti?" (ROFL moment). So I say to my friend, "Hum hi nahi pehchan sake ise, woh kaise pehchanegi?" Yes, my friend is glowering at me. I warned you that my jokes are lame. This goes on for another hour, by which time my friend has covered my mouth with her stole (For people who're unfamiliar with girlies' fashion lingo, stole is a small shawl, somewhere inbetween a handkerchief and a scarf, which serves no purpose that I can think of, yet most of us cannot leave the house without it) and respectfully warned me to please shut the fuck up. The Hritik fan in front of me who was staring at me like Junior Kancha, was not so respectful though.

Anyway, I'm going off track here, I'm bloody trying to review a movie! So, this and that happens for a while, I know this and that doesn't make much sense, but what can I do? I couldn't concentrate much, I was thinking 'Why did I waste 280 bucks to daydream when I could've done it for free?"

Finally, a point came when I wanted to sit in the space between two seats. This is my way of spending time when watching films like Hey baby, Delhi 6, Hello etc etc. It helps, you must try it sometime. I was just about to do it, when the movie came to its climax. I got excited. It must surely be ending, My thoughts brightened. But it took another nerve racking half an hour for Hritik to breathe his last.

So this is my verdict, if you are planning for a one day trip in the vicinity of your house and you are broke ("broke" as in you cannot afford a trip, but you can afford a movie), you may ruin your holiday by going to your nearest theatre, one of which is playing a fuckin 35 shows of this movie a day.

Enjoy!

At the end, I was singing to myself,

Nahi Dekhne degi Kisiko Agneepath,
Kar Shapath Kar Shapath Kar Shapath

That is why I wrote this review. Isn't it noble of me?



PS: Did you notice that I didn't say any bad things about Hritik? Why would I? He's sooooooooo fuckin hot. Hritik, if you ever come across this review, remember that this movie is not your fault. They are exploiting your innocence

46 comments:

  1. hating most of the Bollywood 'gems' and spoiling spiling the exp of movie watching for others - you mirror me!
    Nice humor, btw

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    Replies
    1. Oh! one person agrees with me..thank you :)

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  2. Satire galore... me likey!!! :)

    You have saved me from watching the movie for sure!!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you :)..but please don't believe me, I have friends who loved the movie :D

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  3. hahaha...loved the review "ANAJI"...and thanks for the warning...you saved my weekend... ;)

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    1. Thanks man..My name is Keerthana btw :)

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  4. I loved the review so much that I think o can give thia one a miss.. I mean why waste 10pounds on this one when I can spend the same in a bar on some beer and food ..

    Hai na badhiya idea ji...

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    1. Don't have so much faith in me :D..Maybe you are missing another cult film, Do you really want to take that risk??

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    2. already taken the risk, spent the 10 pounds i had saved to see the movie :) he he he he

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  5. dunno bout this one but first agneepath rocked and that was only because of amitabh bachchan. probably his best performance so far.

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    1. You watch the movie..You can compare the two..like I said, I have't watched the first one :)

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  6. Haha. :)

    Good post. There are very few movies which, as remakes of old ones, turn out to be good. You can try & see the original Agneepath; it's aired on SET MAX many times. Guess they must have aired it many times before this movie released, too).

    But what a review baby ji... ;)

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    1. Do you really want me to watch the original? And Babyji????..:D

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  7. Oops. Just when I thought this would be a remake worth watching. Strangely, it seems to have impressed a lot of hard boiled film freaks, but then they are not you. Thanks for the heads up, will probably give it a skip, seem to have more faith in your OCD than in the professional film critics.

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    1. You have faith in my OCD??..Thanks :P

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  8. I really wanted to watch the movie. Now I'm having second thoughts. :P

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    1. By all means, please go and watch..Karan Johar needs a hit, badly, poor thing :)

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  9. Great style of reviewing a movie. I liked it!

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    1. Thank you..although I can't call it an actual review..:)

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  10. Heheh, I loved this post :) Though I gave 4/5 for the movie, I laughed crazily reading yours. Well! I'm a movie buff, so I like such filmy stuff :):)

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    1. @Harsha- Many people liked the movie..like I told you, many people don't agree with me :D..thanks for visiting my blog..

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  11. Ana you should see the real Agneepath .. it's way to above the 2012 version .. the dialogue delivery, the one liners and the intense acting of all the characters in real agneepath is way to better than the karan Johar's movie...

    but end of the day...i still liked it !

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    1. Many people are telling me that the original was way better..may be I should watch it..!

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  12. Nahi Dekhne degi Kisiko Agneepath,
    Kar Shapath Kar Shapath Kar Shapath
    like your review

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  13. U got the humor in you baby. Loved the post. KJ has successfully made Agneepath, an Agony path.. ALas.

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    1. Agony path?..didn't think of that one :P

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  14. I started reading this post, Enjoyed the first few paras and then when you said you havn't seen the Original, I Skipped .. Hopped and Jumped straight to the last para, :P

    No No.. No offence meant to your writing or review.. All offence for this new movie..

    Forget about sitting through the long hours of anguish, I can't even sit through the couple of minutes of reading any of the reviews.

    And my main reason for avoiding this movie.... Don't kill me.
    Coz it has Hrithik in it.

    Runs away

    Cheers,
    Shrijeet

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  15. Cant stop laughing. :D
    I am leaving home in 10-15 mins now to watch it at 11. Hope it turns out good for me. :P

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  16. i watched it yesterday & somehow the 2 hours seemed like an eternity!! Sathya had gotten up to go even before the interval sign came up & wouldn't return after the interval break :DD

    but i loved Sanju baba & his look in the movie - he looked menacing & loved sorry 'hated' Rishi too - splendidly acted there

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  17. "I was just about to do it, when the movie came to its climax. I got excited. It must surely be ending" :D

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  18. Replies
    1. Then this movie is not ur cup of tea, i guess!

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  19. aaah another bashing. you take muvis too seriously. go to a single screen theatre, whistle, shout nd leave. for serious watching remember there are dibakar banerjee, raju hirani, anurag kashyap, tigmanshu dhulia, sudish kamath(good night good morning) etc (you get the point) rest every other director ..dil pe mat le mamu

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    1. Hehehe..ya i do take them seriously and I haven't given up hope that one day the other directors also will wake up with some sense :)

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  20. you saved $15 of mine! well i blv i shd first see the old agneepath and by that time i can find this new one on youtube(hopefully :D)!

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    1. You'll be wasting time streaming this loooooooong movie :P

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  21. Ohhh.. Woww... came back and this time read the whole thing.. :D ..

    Good Job, Why I liked the review.. Because it was not a review :D ..

    I am almost about ready to strangle the next person who comes upto me an d suggests that AgneePath was a Good Movie.. Yes I have met people who do like this crap.

    Also your post worried me a bit, Coz of the fact that I knew what a Stole is even before you explained it :(

    Cheers,
    Shrijeet

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  22. I told you so...good, you came back :)..and lol about the stole :D

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  23. Ha ha! awesome awesome post! I remember when I was watching the movie ,I was practically hooked to the screen assuming it would be like the classic Agneepath.And my bf was more than gobbling at the burger and glaring at me to have chosen to watch this movie! LOL! :D

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  24. Ha ha! awesome awesome post! I remember when I was watching the movie ,I was practically hooked to the screen assuming it would be like the classic Agneepath.And my bf was more than gobbling the burger and glaring at me to have chosen to watch this movie! LOL! :D

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