Two Agneepaths and One Shapath

I had a lot of time to think while I was watching the movie Agneepath. All thanks to our good producer Karan Johar who presumes that I'm very jobless This is one of the reasons why I admire him. He's so adept at upholding our constitution. How else would you explain the blatant abuse of  "Freedom of expression", He has redefined it. According to him, it means Freedom to express yourself for whatever length of time you want at any cost, (even if it is hurting the collective asses of all dumbasses who come to watch my movies).

I forced my friends to go to the 1:55 PM show thinking that we'll be out by 4:15 max, but thanks to our brilliant Karan Johar who told his new director, "Forget editing, Let them sit and rot in the theatre", I was so wrong.

Before I go blabbering on, let me tell you that I haven't seen the first Agneepath, I must've been 3 years old when it released and still the lunacy hadn't taken off. So, I cannot make any comparisons. All I know is, there are two kinds of movies, those that actually force me to watch, and those in which I can't keep my mouth shut. Agneepath belongs to the second category.

See, I watch all the movies and I hate most of them and people hate me for that. I don't know if I should give credit for my OCD which makes me tend to dissect every part of the movie and obsess about it or to my insanity that forces me to gobble up even movies like Double Dhamaal, Golmaal Returns etc etc and suffer from a never ending hangover during which others get headaches. Most of my friends don't want to watch movies with me anymore, they say that I have spoiled the complete experience of movie watching. I tell them that the movies themselves have spoiled the experience of movie watching, Don't you agree with me? If not, I think I should introduce you to my friends.

Anyway, let me come back to Agneepath. The movie started off with a Masterji, his wifeji and his sonji who we all can predict, whilst nodding off (to sleep), will grow up to be Hritik Roshan. Understandably, Masterji is killed. Then sonji has to take revenge against an almost comedic demon cum villian Kanchaji (Are you getting pissed off? Did you think that Sanjay Dutt gave his career best performance? If you think so, then you may also say that two and two makes five). Let me tell you, this is the best time to take an afternoon siesta, maybe for 30-45 mins. I assure you, you wouldn't have missed much. Just know the characters, masterji, wifeji, sonji who's now Hritik (after you wake up), Kanchaji, lalaji, Sisterji and girlfriendji (I don't know why I'm using 'Ji' everywhere. I swear I cant stop) who runs a Kaali Maata Chinese beauty parlour.

So, this is point where my mouth starts shooting off. I start with lame jokes. Do you need examples? One senti-aunty says to Hritik's sister (who's meeting her after a bloody 15 years, the last time she met senti-aunty was when she was a new born), "Inhi haathon ne tujhe paidha kiya tha..yaad hai beti?" (ROFL moment). So I say to my friend, "Hum hi nahi pehchan sake ise, woh kaise pehchanegi?" Yes, my friend is glowering at me. I warned you that my jokes are lame. This goes on for another hour, by which time my friend has covered my mouth with her stole (For people who're unfamiliar with girlies' fashion lingo, stole is a small shawl, somewhere inbetween a handkerchief and a scarf, which serves no purpose that I can think of, yet most of us cannot leave the house without it) and respectfully warned me to please shut the fuck up. The Hritik fan in front of me who was staring at me like Junior Kancha, was not so respectful though.

Anyway, I'm going off track here, I'm bloody trying to review a movie! So, this and that happens for a while, I know this and that doesn't make much sense, but what can I do? I couldn't concentrate much, I was thinking 'Why did I waste 280 bucks to daydream when I could've done it for free?"

Finally, a point came when I wanted to sit in the space between two seats. This is my way of spending time when watching films like Hey baby, Delhi 6, Hello etc etc. It helps, you must try it sometime. I was just about to do it, when the movie came to its climax. I got excited. It must surely be ending, My thoughts brightened. But it took another nerve racking half an hour for Hritik to breathe his last.

So this is my verdict, if you are planning for a one day trip in the vicinity of your house and you are broke ("broke" as in you cannot afford a trip, but you can afford a movie), you may ruin your holiday by going to your nearest theatre, one of which is playing a fuckin 35 shows of this movie a day.

Enjoy!

At the end, I was singing to myself,

Nahi Dekhne degi Kisiko Agneepath,
Kar Shapath Kar Shapath Kar Shapath

That is why I wrote this review. Isn't it noble of me?

PS: Did you notice that I didn't say any bad things about Hritik? Why would I? He's sooooooooo fuckin hot. Hritik, if you ever come across this review, remember that this movie is not your fault. They are exploiting your innocence