All about Cat poop and other Catty crap

34 comments

So, Kaamu had come home for a weekend visit. I was pissed at her attitude that she threw the last time around, and emotionally distressed about how she ran away like her ass was on fire. I tried to ignore her, we had an "I don't care about you" contest and predictably, she won. Its in her damn blood, she's a cat (For those of you who don't know Kaamu, she's my imaginary pet, if you are loony enough and want more details, go ahead and torture yourself, read this:Of Therapists and Kamakshi the cat ). So I wanted to salvage my lost honour, and at the same time wanted talk to Kaamu. Aaah Honor, isn't it over rated?, so I decided to go ahead and talk.

"So Kaamu..Back to your abode eh?"

She shrugged.

"Is that powder on your face? Are you kidding me? You are a white cat, for fuck's sake? Why the hell do you need powder? Are you crazy?!"

She didn't take this kindly. She made a condescending frown, far exceeding her catly emoting abilities, that reminded me that it was I that was crazy and it was I that was having this imaginary conversation.

"Okay. I give up. I can never win an argument with you. You know that. Fine, why don't you talk now? I am tired of all your bloody ambiguous expressions that I need to decipher, I don't even know if I'm understanding them right, Am I?"

It was that frown again.

"So you are saying that I can make you talk if I want to? Isn't it? Now I want you to talk..Talk, Damn it!"

"Yaaaaaawn! What do you want to talk about?"

"Oh my god, Kaamu! you are actually talking! Will you stay with me forever and for always?"

My mind was going,

"I am keeping you forever and for always,
We can be together all of our days"

"Dream on. I am here only for the weekend 'cos my family is driving me nuts and by the way, I can hear the song you are singing, Despo!"

"I'm not singing any song..Sooo cool Kaamu also has family issues huh? Nice! Care to share with me", I asked nonchalantly, as if I gave a damn about some kantri cat's problems.

"Nope, not interested"

Now I really wanted to know. It was one thing if I, myself wasn't interested in this bitch of a cat's problems and its is wholly another bucket of forbidden shit if I'm denied information.

"Kaaaaaaaaamu, please tell no please..If you tell me I have a gift for you"

As I mentioned earlier (if you'd cared enough to read, it would have saved me this line), Kaamu is bloody greedy.

"Okay, I'll tell you in one line. Mommy cat wants me to marry my Bhava cat (Bhava is mom's brother's son, for ignorants)"

"INCEST!!"

"We are South Indian cats, mind you! It is allowed"

"Eeeew! Okay, whatever. Cats and their family ties, its so much better to be a human being. We have the freedom to do anything"
 
"Hmm okay..Do you have the freedom to poop wherever you want?"

"Emm..No"


"Do you have the freedom to act like you don't care when someone's telling you something? Can you treat people the way I treat you?"

"No..That would just be plain rude!, But I have the freedom to choose whatever career I want, I have the freedom to choose the partner I want, I have the freedom to quit my job whenever I want", I went on passionately with my head held high and suddenly I heard a whiny meow.

Bloody cat was rolling on the floor and laughing.

I can't even fool a cat now!

I passed her the gift I'd got, a new deo for cats "Rats effect" and I took my nose plugs. It was going to be a long day.

34 comments:

  1. you sound funny when you use swear words.. "Talk, Damn it"

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  2. i have one cat and two kittens, they r not like ur cat. they r cool and guess what? they like my blog unlike u ppl.

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    1. Now you count on cats to like your blog..you are going downhill man :D

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  3. That was a hilarious Kaamu conversation. hmm... poor cats.. they too have family problems... My condolences to Kaamu on her "marry my bhava cat" problem! ;)

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    1. I don't think she'll marry..selfish cat, she'll run away from home, i guess!

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    2. Haa haa.. I am sure that will make another hilarious adventure post! ;)

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  4. hahaha!! That was damn funny. My cats are very well behaved you know, just like me. :P

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    1. I think i should train kaamu..im getting a lot of flak for her arrogance :D

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  5. You need to get strict with Kamu Man !! (woman..err..lady)

    You are single handedly turning back the millions of years of Human Evolution.
    I can see it now.. soon, (if this goes on) Cats would be ruling humans soon
    And we would be all be stuck, working in small boxes taking orders from others.

    Ohh.. wait a minute, we are already doing that arent we ? Sitting in those small cubicles all day long

    SIGH !!


    I guess no use being the smartest species on the planet.

    Cheers,
    Shrijeet

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  6. Are we smart?? or is that what the cats want us to think? :D

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  7. You know what! I am loving this series - Kamu as your sounding board. So how does Kamu (I like Kammo better) plan to get rid of her Bhava Cat?

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    1. Kaamu is south indian version :)..I don't know, but I'm sure she'll get out of it..very chaaloo female she is :P

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  8. now thats a hilarious conversation ..
    made me laugh the statement I am a south indian cat .. makes me woder if cats also differ and behave differently as people do ..


    Bikram's

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  9. I hate cats :P conversations are HILARIOUSSSSSSSSSSS....
    CAT do have stereotypes huh ???
    I hate CAT because it is damn hard to crack it :P
    IIM
    -/Dee..

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    1. I hate cats too..I mentioned it in my previous post :D

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  10. Hey ana, I'm all sceptical about this cat ;) .Next time she comes back, beware and shoo her away!
    BTW, is your cat as gorgeous as my friend kaamu?

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  11. Who's your friend kaamu?..is it the girl u described in ur poem? ;)

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    1. that poem was my love for a dream machine- a bmw 7 luxury sedan- when i got to drive it for the first time in life. :)
      kaamu is here in this post -http://bigbitz.blogspot.in/2011/09/romantic-hypnosis.html .

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  12. Once again a hilarious post from you. :D
    You truly are blessed by some God Of Comedy,if there is any. ;D

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    1. Oh my god! you really made my day with this one :)

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  13. very nice and amazing use of words
    and I am on bench as well.

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha..I am no longer on bench :)

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  14. South Indian cats and rats effect!!! :P wow, those are some of the funniest one-liners I've come across. Kudos to you and your imaginary pet :) :)

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