Of Enlightenment, monkeys and lecturers

So I stayed away from the internet for some three days now thinking that I'll get enlightened if I stayed away from vices. You may wonder what I do at work without internet. Before you go and do a "Readers dont digest" column on my blog, let me tell you firstly, it is possible for me to spend atleast 9 hrs without internet. Yes, it is. Come, I'll prove it to you and secondly, for me internet means facebook and blogger.

I did not get enlightened. It reminded me of another time when I was cheated by God. It was in 2008. I had gone to Kanyakumari and I saw a rock pathway that led into the sea. It was long and seemed like a perfectly good place for attaining enlightenment.Its a much more aesthetic competitor to the peepal tree. I mean, its a peepal tree for god's sake, not even a banyan tree. Apparently, God doesn't think so. I woke up at 7 in the morning WHILE I was on vacation, went down a smelly settlement of fishermen , and walked on the pathway with the wind blowing in my face till I reached the edge. I thought this was it, I'll come back a different person, much wiser, worldly and maybe next big saint material. I was in the same feeling the whole afternoon, that is until a monkey reminded me of my place in Saintdom. I was walking with a bag of kadlepoori in my hand, and somebody was snatching it from behind. I pulled it back, thinking it was my brother, and that somebody pulled it harder. I turned back to see that it was a bloody monkey! All hell broke loose, or rather I broke loose and ran away like crazy. Hmmm, so much for enlightenment.

Speaking of monkeys, I have always had a strange relationship with monkeys. When I was five, we used to stay on the first floor, and my door opened to a fleet of stairs. These stairs had a compound wall, obviously. So this monkey comes and sits on the compound wall, and being an advanced progeny, I had to do something. I got my granny's stick and tried to poke the monkey with it. I do not remember what happened in the next few seconds, all I can guess is that the ape didn't react kindly to it and I fell rolling down the stairs. Imagine Renuka Shahane in Hum aapke hain kaun rolling down the stairs, exactly like that, this was a miniature version, because unlike her I did not prematurely die and cause the first movie in history of ridiculous hindi cinema which had two intervals to come close to an end.

I can never forget these monkey incidents. In a way, they have shaped my life. How? I don't like monkeys anymore and may have influenced my choice of a cat as my imaginary pet, even though I loathe cats. How did monkeys influence this choice? Neither am I an evolutionary biology student or a lecturer to answer this question. If you are one, I mean a student, I wouldn't recommend you to ask your lecturer. Lets be honest, have they ever answered any question till now? Just let them be.

My parents always keep bugging me, "Why don't you become a lecturer? It such an aaraam job". Yes it is an aaraam job, but being an engineering college lecturer is worse than being Himesh Reshammiya in Himesh Reshammiya's movies. Can you imagine how bad it can be? I'll explain it to you, there can be two scenarios, you either became a lecturer because you are really interested in teaching OR you became one because you passed college after the maximum number of attempts and didn't get a job, hence you are here. Lets stick to the realistic reason, so you are here, you don't know anything, you act strict and yet, some A class nerds will definitely find you and suck on your blood with fourier transforms, planck's constants and all that donkey shit which you'd ignored royally till now. And about the unrealistic phenomenon where you are actually a genius and take pains to prepare for each and every class, the students piss you off by engaging in rocket throwing games. And my parents ask me, "Why don't you become a lecturer? It such an aaraam job". I don't know what to tell them.

Do you think I should be a lecturer? :)