Of Enlightenment, monkeys and lecturers

So I stayed away from the internet for some three days now thinking that I'll get enlightened if I stayed away from vices. You may wonder what I do at work without internet. Before you go and do a "Readers dont digest" column on my blog, let me tell you firstly, it is possible for me to spend atleast 9 hrs without internet. Yes, it is. Come, I'll prove it to you and secondly, for me internet means facebook and blogger.

I did not get enlightened. It reminded me of another time when I was cheated by God. It was in 2008. I had gone to Kanyakumari and I saw a rock pathway that led into the sea. It was long and seemed like a perfectly good place for attaining enlightenment.Its a much more aesthetic competitor to the peepal tree. I mean, its a peepal tree for god's sake, not even a banyan tree. Apparently, God doesn't think so. I woke up at 7 in the morning WHILE I was on vacation, went down a smelly settlement of fishermen , and walked on the pathway with the wind blowing in my face till I reached the edge. I thought this was it, I'll come back a different person, much wiser, worldly and maybe next big saint material. I was in the same feeling the whole afternoon, that is until a monkey reminded me of my place in Saintdom. I was walking with a bag of kadlepoori in my hand, and somebody was snatching it from behind. I pulled it back, thinking it was my brother, and that somebody pulled it harder. I turned back to see that it was a bloody monkey! All hell broke loose, or rather I broke loose and ran away like crazy. Hmmm, so much for enlightenment.

Speaking of monkeys, I have always had a strange relationship with monkeys. When I was five, we used to stay on the first floor, and my door opened to a fleet of stairs. These stairs had a compound wall, obviously. So this monkey comes and sits on the compound wall, and being an advanced progeny, I had to do something. I got my granny's stick and tried to poke the monkey with it. I do not remember what happened in the next few seconds, all I can guess is that the ape didn't react kindly to it and I fell rolling down the stairs. Imagine Renuka Shahane in Hum aapke hain kaun rolling down the stairs, exactly like that, this was a miniature version, because unlike her I did not prematurely die and cause the first movie in history of ridiculous hindi cinema which had two intervals to come close to an end.

I can never forget these monkey incidents. In a way, they have shaped my life. How? I don't like monkeys anymore and may have influenced my choice of a cat as my imaginary pet, even though I loathe cats. How did monkeys influence this choice? Neither am I an evolutionary biology student or a lecturer to answer this question. If you are one, I mean a student, I wouldn't recommend you to ask your lecturer. Lets be honest, have they ever answered any question till now? Just let them be.

My parents always keep bugging me, "Why don't you become a lecturer? It such an aaraam job". Yes it is an aaraam job, but being an engineering college lecturer is worse than being Himesh Reshammiya in Himesh Reshammiya's movies. Can you imagine how bad it can be? I'll explain it to you, there can be two scenarios, you either became a lecturer because you are really interested in teaching OR you became one because you passed college after the maximum number of attempts and didn't get a job, hence you are here. Lets stick to the realistic reason, so you are here, you don't know anything, you act strict and yet, some A class nerds will definitely find you and suck on your blood with fourier transforms, planck's constants and all that donkey shit which you'd ignored royally till now. And about the unrealistic phenomenon where you are actually a genius and take pains to prepare for each and every class, the students piss you off by engaging in rocket throwing games. And my parents ask me, "Why don't you become a lecturer? It such an aaraam job". I don't know what to tell them.

Do you think I should be a lecturer? :)


  1. I`m going to let you in on a trade secret, since you possess the 'ability' nay talent to effortlessly slide from enlightenment to monkeys to lecturing to what not - you are more than capable of becoming a lecturer, infact you'd make a good one.

    You make random seem so interesting :P.

    Cheers :)

    1. Hahahaha..You are doing two things at once, insulting lecturers and praising me :D..

  2. hahaha! What can I say, where else will I get to read about random things and get really entertained? ;)

    I can empathize with you not becoming a lecturer. Being from engineering background myself i know what you mean. :P ;)

    And i might probably have nightmares tonight cuz you reminded me of all the fourier series and fourier transforms crap. Damn I hated them. :(

    1. I liked them, you know..I never really understood the point in them, but still their intentions, whatever the hell they were, were good :D

  3. Very smart girl you are.. you can manage anything :)

  4. ( I attended hell lot of seven lectures today, Obviously I don't want you to become a lecturer! )
    Coming to these monkeys, I am lucky I have been able to avoid them!:D :D
    And wait, did you seriously stay away from internet for 3 days? :o :o seriously?!

  5. I simply enjoyed reading you and the monkeys and for sure it was entertaining. I could not help myself from imagining you having a monkey pull your bag from behind. You are lucky they left you so. heard of transition but never thought monkeys can make lecturers.

    Loved reading your post

  6. hahaha...u have a great tuning with monkeys... :P
    and that lecturer and Himesh comparison was...ummm excellent... :P :O

  7. Why not become a godwoman or something? Mata needs some competition :) You have the inclination to become a saint. Seeking enlightenment is definitely one. Maybe you can try your hands in meditation. You will become an enlightened person and you might even rise without knowledge while meditating... If you do, start an ashram immediately. It's big business :)

    Destination Infinity

  8. So we have monkeys here also! I meant in this post :D I dedicated an entire post about monkeys.
    Loved the lecturer and Himesh comparisn! But trust me, if you become a lecturer your students would love you for being so funny! After all its such an aaram job :D

  9. Just love the way you jump from things and change topics even faster then one can change clothes. Enlightenment - Monkeys - Lecturers...haha ;D
    Why not be a stand up comedian then?? :D
    That is what you do best. ;) :D

  10. Well go for it. I am sure yoi will do a great job as you said araam ka job. If someone asks yoi a question you dont know the answer to, well advice them thats what google is for.

    Moreover we can have fun too if u become a lecturer imagine all the gossip ypu can write about both of students and those of the staff room too..

    Made me smile the post so all the best for the lecturer thing. The araam ka job...

  11. And as in post jumping from one to another.. And doing it effortlessly teaching wud be a walkover :-)

  12. LOL Ana! This is the exact scenario in my house as well!!! :D What is with these parents and teacher jobs?!?!? :O

    Thankfully my parents asked me to opt for whatever I like but my uncles and aunts are going bonkers convincing me to go the teacher way! Sadly.I can't teach coz I myself start having doubts on my own teaching :P So only if you're "genuinely" interested, go on lady! Else what...it is an aaram job indeed :D

  13. sure you can become a lecture but don't teach in the class just crack jokes! Monkeys really make us know many things,like when it chases us then only we will come to know that we are good in athletes!!
    And when you get enlightened please tell us which are the ways that don't lead to enlightenment!! Btw it was a good reading Ana.

  14. Hehehehe lol :P :D.
    Lecturer haan? :D. I bet you'd be a nice one ;) :D.

    You can tell them about Kamakshi :P :P.
    This is another hilarious post :D :D.

    BTW Nice enlightenment b-) :P

  15. He he !! I have a confession I can live without mobile phone but a day is all I can manage without internet ...

    P.S. - My parents used to tell me the same thing, but I chose to do my own thing :)

  16. Seriously, what's with lecturers and parents?!!! My parents ask the same of me too!
    Shouldn't job be something to wich v r willing to giv our best n enjoy working hard... I dont understnd wen they say it's 'aaraam!'... Life will just pass us by and al we'll do is rest!

  17. I thought I couldn't stay without the internet, but then I just did. For a month :P
    I once almost got bitten by a monkey :D

  18. :) sure you would be a fun lecturer!!

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