Kaamu, her vacation and Jeera soda

For all those fortunate souls who don't know Kaamu, she is my imaginary pet. Yes, you read that right. This information is enough for you to continue reading this scam of a post. However, if you still want to know about the cat-extraordinaire, go ahead and read these:
Of Therapists and Kamakshi, the cat
The cat and the bollywood bedtime story
All about cat poop and other catty crap

So Kaamu went on a long vacation with her gal pals to some catty beach resort somewhere in South Calungate. I was ecstatic about the catless week and made a hundred plans with myself. I wonder why my friends don't hang out with me anymore.

I was sprawled on the sofa with a half empty bottle of Bindu's fizzy jeera soda lying on the table. Its not mine, you losers. My granny suffers from gastritis, it is supposedly her "medication". The way she gulps it down reminds one of the pepsi ad, "Yeh dil maange more".  Anyway, I was midway through a movie marathon, somewhere between Aaj ka Naya Yalgaar and Veerta the Power. You must be unfamiliar with these classics. Let the lame-movie fanatic educate you. Behold, these are telugu movies dubbed in Hindi. You see, I have watched all dumbass movies in hindi as well as in telugu, so I'm mixing them now. 

Anyway, I'm lying there on the sofa, sneaking looks at the perversely tempting Jeera soda which would take care of the Rakhi sawant dance in my empty stomach till the queen-cook-cum-mom comes back from her kitty party (no cats allowed there), and guess what? In walks Kaamu, with a tan that would have caused the beefy John Abraham to shriek like a high school girl and frantically rub on her, his Garnier anti-tan shit cream that he's endorsing, and in wierd hippy clothes that even Sonam Kapoor would have thought twice before wearing. My taste in clothes must be rubbing off on her.

"Kaamu!! You are back. I thought you'd be gone for a week!"

"Yeah, I am..So what? Will you throw me out?"

"No, of course not. Why did you cut your trip short? Did you miss me?", I winked at her

She made a disgusting face which I ignored and continued my rant.

"Okay, before you answer that, listen to this. I had written a post about mad people and normal people and all sortsa people in my blog, and guess what people loved it. It got like insane number of hits..I mean I did indirectly mention about low page counts and how they can increase it and stuff like that, but still..."

"Of course, people are mad. They read your blog, don't they?"

"Shut up Kaamu, Why can't you be happy just this once?"

"Wow! Amazing! come lets celebrate..yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

"Okay, stop the overacting. Tell me why are you back early?"

"My wish"

"C'mon Kaamu..Tell me pleeeeeeeeeease!"

"Fuck off!"

"Okay don't tell"

I sit there and wait patiently for the matinee idol of a cat to open her mouth. I try whistling, "Mohabbat hai mirchi, mohabbat hai mirchi", the damn cat's favorite song, even though the bitch-cat is too damn proud to admit it. I try to teleport the Jeera soda into my mouth, so that it'll save me the embarrassment of the actual  physical act.Normally it works, this time it gave kai*. I'm actually selling a book about it, on amazon. Its called "How to teleport your granny's tasty gas medication into your stomach". Its cheap, 300 bucks only. Reading it will help you more than this dumb post will. It will also help me buy the jeera soda franchise

I try all sorts of dramas and a little dance too, which the cat ignored royally. Finally when I couldn't take it any longer, I yell.

"Damn you, you bloody cat. Just once in your life, gimme a straight answer. Why the fuck are you back from your fuckin' trip so early? Tell me, damn you, or else I'll make cat sambar out of you and feed it to Tommy. Understand?!!!"

The cat goes psycho at this. Have you ever seen a psycho cat? Man, its the worst thing ever. She jumped on me, scratched my damn face and blurted out.

"You foolish woman-child!! I never went on any fuckin trip, don't you understand??? I come whenever you want me to!! Bloody, I'm imaginary, you dimwit! Now shut your hole and pass me the soda!"

She gulped down the soda and went running into the loo.

I guess we'll never know why she came back early..

PS: *Someone "gave kai" means someone "gave hand". In simple words, they didn't keep their promises. Remember how your GF/BF promised you "saath janmon ka saath" and ditched you? They gave kai!


  1. haha.......You and your imaginary cat!! :D Must say, she is smart and gave you some treatment :P
    How do you manage to put your readers in splits all the time! HOW?
    Btw, your selection in movies is A.W.E.S.O.M.E. :P

  2. lol =)) :D.
    Kaamu is going from Being GOOD to being AWESOME b-) :D :P.
    That cat's got sort out her priorities ;) :P :D.
    See what I did there? :D :P.

    Haha :D Another awesome humorous post :D ;) :D.
    Loved it :) :D :P.

  3. You definitely push random to new heights - even with an imaginary feline companion :P.

    Couldn't help but snort in laughter.

  4. LOL :) I guess your Kaamu is a great example for your last post about normal people. Kaamu rightly said people who read your posts are mad, they are mad because you catch their attention easily with your post and they can't leave the post without reading and commenting. Well narrated, well imagined Ana_treek :D


  5. lol. as always. kamu s kamu. love it. if you happen to find out, do let me know. I'm curious...

  6. Your fictional adventures with Kaamu are just hilarious. :) Can't imagine how you come with such funny stuff. Had a real hearty laugh. :)

  7. I got a doubt.. may sound silly. How would you feel if you have a boyfriend with an attitude like kaamu? :)

  8. You should make the cat watch a couple of Telugu movies. A group of college kids will ensure that Prakash Raj realizes his wrong ways and 'changes for good' in the climax. The cat will be in tears and in the mean time, you can have some peace :)

    Destination Infinity

  9. ROFL... when I read in your previous post about kaamu the cat, I thought you have a real cat that you talk to and imagine her reply back. I didn't know even the cat was imaginary :P .. nice imagination you have :P .. and hey, I've tried Bindu's once and it's pretty good actually :P , and I didn't know it was a medication for the stomach problems :o ... but still it would make a nice medicine to have now and then ;) :P
    And yeah, I'm one of the mad readers who reads you crazy-fantastic blog :D

  10. Loll! Your imaginary cat is too smart :) And so are you for writing this crazy stuff! Had fun reading :D

  11. hahaha! Your encounters with Kaamu are always hilarious, especially the swear words :D

  12. you are really good at this Kaamu stuff...oppsss...i mean with your pet Kaamu... ;)

    now i can say...you are back...nice post... :D :D :D

  13. Love your Kaamu to bits :) Can just imagine your alter ego scratching for complaining when she came! LOL


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