Anatomy of an Indian TV serial

29 comments
I'm thinking of making a TV serial.  Will that work? I'm pretty sure that most of you are mind fucked by all the shit that goes on in those serials, so maybe you wouldn't even want to watch mine. But believe me, I have grabbed hold of this amazing script, I'm telling you it'll blow your lungis off.

You'll come running back to read what happened next. This is by far, the most amazing thing that can ever happen to the Indian TV industry. I wish I could tie up with a TV network, and ask Jackie shroff/Govinda to sell my serial that is worth a gazillion bucks at a discounted rate of 42 Rs 25 Ps, but people I don't care for money. I am a generous soul. So here it is, unvieling to you, the mind blowing serial:

Kroorvati Ki Karva Chauth

If you think the title sucks, I'm open for suggestions*

*Conditions apply: Only if you are willing to finance my serial

Enter the good girl, Kanyeshwari always wears pale yellowish or peach nylon salwar kameezs, even when the sun is burning brighter than that damn tiger in the epic William Blake poem. She will not even give up the Salwar Kameez even when she treads the Mt.Everest. She loyally refuses to wear mountaineering gear and she tells the sherpa Memsingh Norway, that she'll use her dupatta as the rappelling rope. Her wonderful, amazing dupatta which usually saves her honor, this time it saves her life. This is the good girl people, she is the good girl. The one that never gives up her dupatta, the one that on the way to the summit, stops at the base camp which she redesigns as a durga mandir and she takes a bloody one hour to sing "Om Jai Jagdeesh Harey, Swami Jai Jagadeesh Hare" in between ads for all things ranging from maggi to harpic.

But wait, my serial has another character.

This heartrending bhakti geet causes her husband to drool a little, either named sujal, or prajwal or harbhajanwal I'm confused or whoever it is after the hundredth plastic surgery, and who's now in a coma because while he was getting his plastic surgery done, Rakhi sawant walked into the room demanding a breast lift procedure, and the doctor suffering from multiple muscular cramps after lifting her breasts a thousand times refuses point blank, she goes crazy and jumps on the doc. Sadly, our Harbhajanwal is in between. So this guy now is suffering from complications from Rakhi Sawant injury due to which he contracted a brain disorder and he's now paralysed from waist down. Don't you guys get it? Thats the reason the good girl is climbing Mt. Everest in the first place, to celebrate Karva Chauth from the highest point on Earth. What else can be more "Pavitr" than this?

But wait, Again you've to wait.

Waiting on top of Everest is our Bad girl, Kroorvati . She is wearing a black leather mini skirt, and eagerly awaiting the arrival of Kanyeshwari. She'll push her from there, of course. You see, both of them are fighting for the vegetable Harbhajanwal's affection. She has a snake running up her forehead, it's made of all crazy colors ranging from puky pink to vampish lavender. She was born with it, and the color depends on the day of the week or availability of cheap colors in the market. She is waiting patiently, during which time she gets lost in some of the most beautiful thoughts, Flashback. Two hundred and fifty episodes ago, Kroorvati trips good girl when she was going to the temple. Point to remember, good girl only leaves her house when she goes to the temple, and every single time bad girl also follows her, but no credit to the bad girl. Good girl falls, and there are cymbals in the background, as good girl lifts her head five dozen times to see what happened. Everyone is laughing, the whole world, her honor is at stake. She gets up. Now this is a critical moment, the exact moment at which I get to know if the new stock of glycerine that I got from China is working or not. Thankfully, it does. Tears roll down her eyes, and she runs in slow motion from the temple to her house. This point is a moral dilemma for the me, I want to show the entire run, from the temple to her house, I know there are people like my mom and grandmom in this world who would give up anything to watch the glorious run, but I am also aware of people like you who will curse me and my future generations till eternity with all the cusses you know and some which you don't, that I'm just not willing to take that risk. Finally, the cuss words win.
What happens next?

Will the Karva Chauth happen? Will Kroorvati kill Kanyeshwari? Will Harbhajanwal wake up from his coma?
Tune in to Star TV, Zee TV or any other damn TV and continue to watch any serial to know what happened.

Disclaimer: Resemblance to any person living or dead, is purely coincidental as the atrocious things explained above are physically, sensibly, and astonishingly impossible.

29 comments:

  1. Hahaha lol =)) :P.
    I couldn't stop loling at this post :D.
    I almost fell off my chair and went into a COMA myself :P :O :P.
    BTW nice story ;) :D :P.
    I can't afford to pay you so THE TITLE IS FANTASTIC GIRL. YOU GOT GREAT IDEAS :D :D :P.

    Once again an awesome job :D.

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    Replies
    1. Don't go into a coma, plssssss..you are one of my very few readers :)

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    2. I'm one of your 1000 readers? ;) :D.
      Thats true :D.
      Hahahaha

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  2. You should seriously consider selling this post to Ekta Kapoor with the title intact; that way she'd have no problems running it for the next 10 years at the least - with numerous rebirths, generation jumps(10,20 hence) and dead characters coming back to life without rhyme or reason.

    You have random with a vengeance going for you in every single post :D.

    Hilarious as always.

    Cheers :)

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  3. i cant wait for the serial to be on national tv. can i play that vegetable guy? i specilize in sleeping for long hours. it ll look real

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    Replies
    1. Finance my serial..ll let u play all 3 roles :)

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  4. hahahahaha...rotfl...lmao...I don't like to watch TV serials...but I'll surely yours...do tell me the time when its aired... :P

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    1. Watch any tv serial..I swear it'll be as ridiculous as this one :)

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  5. It's difficult to convince the TV networks to consider this story because the villi kills only one person. That's too naive and so 1990-ish. The villi should actually focus and kill all the members of the good girl family, the coma-guy family, their neighbors, etc. That way, we get more episodes and people get to see more blood and their excitement levels heighten. LOL.

    Destination Infinity
    PS: Yes, there are serial killer 'family' soaps on TV!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. By golly, you are right..let's script one more together :)

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  6. Replies
    1. thu ond comment madidya, adhu negative!!

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  7. I am willing to produce, direct, act in this god damn awesome serial. Do you mind if I play Kroovati in her leather mini?

    And you need to patent your super-strong dupatta idea. Only a genius could have thought of this!

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    Replies
    1. Wow! that will be a casting coup, you are welcome to play whoever u want :D

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  8. Puky pink? Haha...! An entertaining post.

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  9. LOLL! :D :D Thanks a ton for this awesome serial! :P I'm sure Balaji or Star Plus will recruit you as their 'creative head'! And, the title doesn't suck, it simply rocks ;)

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    Replies
    1. I wish!..Its my dream to become a serial scriptwriter :)

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  10. yaak ri ondu waarakke yeredu sala ee thara torture kodtheera nange? :D :D

    Absolutely hilarious post in your own unique and weird manner. :P I literally LMFAO during the harbhanwal paragraph. :D Too damn funny.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ri freedom of expression kanri idu :D..computer ide, internet ide, kelsa illa, idelladra parinama nanna posts :)

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  11. Hello to my favorite blogger :D :). I have a small award for you :D :). http://sweetsomethingz.blogspot.in/2012/04/awesomeness-personified.html

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  12. Laughing out real loud! Lovely use of satire and humor..! Great post, keep it up!

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  13. Absolutely hilarious. You have it in you the 'serial script writer'! Whatever is written is enough to keep my mom, grand-mom and aunties busy for at least 10 weeks.
    With the title, I've no objection. I hope the add narrators don't screw that up with their englhindi accent. ;)
    hey wait! what's my role?

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    Replies
    1. Too much demand for my serial!..I think i'd better hold an audition :D

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  14. ooooooooooohh i love the idea .. can i play a role in this .. i always fancied being an actor and my MUMMY hamesha said I looked handsome .. please please please please ...

    and I am very versatile too any part will do and bole to i can ask others also to come and work in it ...

    Bikram's

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    Replies
    1. Now I think I really ought to start making this serial!

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  15. This comment has been removed by the author.

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