Mamata's marriage bureau and its consequences

24 comments
Along with your mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, brother, brother's friend, neighbour, neighbour's dog, and the nightwatchman, guess who else has joined the menacing matrimonial advice bandwagon (MMAB, pronounciation: Imagine how Laloo Prasad says mob, Maaaaaaab), it is your chief minister.

Are you asking "Whaaaat the f"? Rolling your eyes while yawning?

If so, go and read today's newspaper. Oh you don't get it at home? Not even the newspaper that makes you smart?? No wonder, you are reading my blog

Anyway, here is the link: Mamata's marriage bureau

Okay you are not a Bengali, so you think you are spared? You are so wrong. Apparently, according to my un-unreliable sources two negatives make a positive, the move has inspired people across the country. So in a few days now, you'll have to take the lawful permission from the lawless topboss of the state before you even plan to get hitched. The horoscope, along with gotra, rashi, pashi, and other fishy things also will have the CM permission, as a requirement.

So in future, this is how a pre-meet-up matrimonial talk will happen:


Moms will call up each other.

"Our children's horoscopes matched..But I have one more doubt, before we formally meet"

"Yes, please don't hesitate"

"Are you? Are you?...."

"Yes, please go on"

"Are you leftist?"

"Ya..why?"

"Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..yeh shaaaaaaaaadi nahi hosakti hai!!"

Why do we need this advice, pray tell me? Already it is so difficult to find decent guys with decent quantity of hair-on-the-head in this world. Ask my parents, if you want proof. And now, we have to go behind people's political affiliations!

Wait a minute. Maybe this will replace the old caste system, since they are going so out of style, now politics may become the new caste. That Mamtadi, she is a pioneer, I tell you. What brahmin, gowda, baniya! So ancient. From now on, it'll be BJP, Congress, JDS, BSP, AIADMK etc etc.

Sometime in the near future, you will see two aunties wearing saffron salwar kameezs, parking their cars in middle of a crowded street. That's where they park their cars usually, the intention is to block the road, sometimes leisurely throw a carpet on it, get a mike and make senseless talk. That's one of the commandments of this wonderful caste.

They catch hold of a lone young loser passing by, and interrogate him,

"Are you BJP?"

Before he can rip off his orange shirt and show his cool lotus tatoo on the chest, they go on,

"Even I'm BJP, we are so sacred. I love my country, I wear khakhi shorts and do unwanted exercises, I usually crave older men, men at the brink of death, and befriend women on the brink of insanity. I cannot stand congressors Yes, its a lame name, just like the congressors. They think they are too sophisticated with all their faux foreign people and their dramas, So not hindu!..Hindutva ki Jai!"

Then in another corner one sardar uncle and a suspicious looking man-child sipping tea from a road side stall and trying to make a life event out of it,

"Beta, Let us share tea with me"

"No mom told me not to give you anything"

"No Beta, You have to share it with me, I have to share the tea with the tea stall owner, the cleaner, the faggot at the end of this road, and the maggots on this table. You see Beta, we include anyone and everyone in our caste. That is our Dharam. We include them, we discuss with them, we let them sit on our heads and we let them dance away to glory. Arey Beta, don't you remember Mamtadi, she was the first nincompoop who celebrated a tenure long Durga puja on our heads, got away with it, and thats how our caste Congress came into existance?"

"No Mommy told me not to give you anything. Get away from you, you old man......Goooooooooooo, or else I'll tell on you"

"Noooo Please don't do that!!"

I don't even want to get down to the nuances of the hundred thousand other parties and what about independents. My god! This may increase the number of castes that are actually present now! As if that were possible!

And reservations! Oh my god! I never thought of that one!

And caste certificates!

What about caste based discriminations?! Who should we discriminate now, since everyone of us is more criminal than the other!

Mamata! What the hell are trying to get us all into!

PS: Though the comments on CPM and trinamool unholy marriages didn't come directly from the Mamata mouth, I'm taking creative liberty here. I hope I don't get thrown into prison like the sad professor.


24 comments:

  1. LOL!
    http://myrootsmywings.blogspot.in/2012/04/mamata-stop-reading-106365.html

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  2. When someone remarked - We don't really need another reason to discriminate ourselves more than we already are; Mamata's mind voice probably said "Challenge Accepted" :D.

    Hilarious one yet again and surprisingly not random this time :P.

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    Replies
    1. Yes, she is amazing, isn't she?..I mean move over Mayawati, there's a bigger loon in town!

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  3. That was so politically hilarious. But underneath that you actually brought up a serious issue too. :) And as usual, your trademark satire is at its riotous best.

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  4. Maybe you should go to Calcutta on a ten-day tour, in the near future. Just make sure that you print anatreek.blogspot.in at the back of your t-shirts, when you go. Rest will be taken care :P

    Destination Infinity

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    Replies
    1. You want me to go to jail!..that is mean :D

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    2. Exactly my point.
      In Calcutta, you could have been arrested on charges of sedition and whatnot!
      My only defence against my 'dissentingmind' is that 'Mam, I must have got the spelling wrong'. .(I live in Calcutta)

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  5. Ah, one more leftist conspiracy to malign the fair name of didi. The logic in this dictat is very simple and similar to the ones propagated by missionary religions. The problem is that almost all who are members of the TMC today are erstwhile members of the CPM grassroot organizations. Who says you cannot convert? I am sure that the intelligentsia that came forward to support didi in her campaign against the left's misrule will not waste too much time in distancing themselves from her manic policies.

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    Replies
    1. aaah the crazy conversions, I missed it :)

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  6. Hilarious!..but more seriously, what are our LEADERS COMING TO ?Will ANYONE applaud such commandments?

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  7. Ouch .. that remark on the newspaper and reading your blog hurt .. :( not fair .. I read ur blog but it is much better that the stupid newspapers , they are a waste of time ...

    Politcis in our great nation is DIRTY and anything and everything goes these people have no shame whatsoever ..

    Made me smile the post , thank you .. and I like Destination Infitinity's Idea above and second it too .. GO FOR IT :)

    Bikram's

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    Replies
    1. You also want me to go to jail!..bad bad men!

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  8. "the faggot at the end of this road, and the maggots on this table" - hahahaha! I literally ROFLed at this. Brilliance. :D

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  9. Simply loved your blog..its so hilarious yet true.That lady creates new weird rules everytime :).I have loved it so much that I promoted it on my Facebook page,have a look : https://www.facebook.com/Ankionthemove
    You can also check my blog for travel write ups and personal diaries at:http://www.ankionthemove.com/

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  10. "Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..yeh shaaaaaaaaadi nahi hosakti hai!!" Totally Filmi... Totally You... the lady with the art of portraying serious issue behind the mask of humor... cheers!

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  11. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just No words. Trust you to write such humour :)

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  12. I think I'll go against it. I thought the chances of becoming a revolutionary was gone. But no, I still have chances to to creep into the history books. I'll get married to a girl from another party and also fight against this discrimination and divide. May be they'll banish me for breaking the tradition; but i don't care as long as you'll script another serial with my story adding lots of masala and may be run for a 3000 episodes. :)

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    Replies
    1. If the serial were to run, you shouldn't go against the tradition, you should marry someone you don't like, and cry for eternity! :D

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