A "heads up" before you leap into the corporate jungle

Long long ago when I just left college and stepped into the corporate world, I made a list of things which I newly learnt. If you wanna read it, then here it is Things I learnt in office

Its been almost 9 months since, and guess what, I haven't stopped learning, though some maybe senseless and the rest useless things.

A heads up (Another useless corporate jargon, which in layman terms means "I'll talk and you listen") on this:

1) Before you leap into the corporate asylum, The only time you'll ever need the word 'escalate' in your vocabulary is when you go to malls and wanna get your lazy ass on to the next floor,  but once in office, you have to use this word more than 50 times a day. Keep saying, " You have a problem, You escalate" (though nothing much happens :) )

2) Did you wash your hair and come to office in a hurry? No time to blow dry? Don't you worry, there is always the hand dryer in the office restroom. It can also be used to dry the hair, why not?

3) You may think how there can be so much anarchy in our country, but you wont feel so bad once you witness "mis-management" at the grassroots level

4) You used to hate computer games before, you won't anymore. You love them, then good for you 

5) For inner peace, You may take a deep breath and chant 'Aum', but now practice taking a deep breath and pressing 'ctrl+c and ctrl+v' 

6) Get a new pair of  'Anti- Glare' glasses. Without them, you will weep in front of the computer daily.

7) Learn to make a face that to outsiders looks like I'm really interested but inside I'm in a deep slumber.

8) Learn to talk about font sizes, styles and page layouts as if you are talking about the Kashmir issue/ Maoist insurgency. Practice in front of the mirror. The more sombre your face is, better the effect.

Okay thats all for now, If you need some more such tips, ask your brother or sister or uncle or aunt or neighbor, in short any inmate of the corporate jungle. They'll be glad to share, I'm sure 


  1. The thing that bugged me, and still does to this day, is the pseudo language created and encouraged in corporate environments. I think it was designed for people to seem more important that they really are!

  2. My fave is ...

    Learn to talk about font sizes, styles and page layouts as if you are talking about the Kashmir issue/ Maoist insurgency.

  3. OMG! I have learned to ignore some of the mentions you have made... may be that i have been obsessed with too much of these terminologies... No wonder I enjoyed reading the 'One night at the call center' and the character Mr. Bhakshi!!!

  4. @TheNRI - What can you do? You get caught up with it after a while, nothing seems funny

    @Purba - Thanks:)

    @Mohan - As I said to TheNRI, it happens I'm getting used to all these things too :)

  5. Are there no excel sheets - the biggest evil since satan?

  6. Good read... WIsh you a faster climb up the corporate ladder, so that we can get more posts like this

  7. @Shrinidhi- If I write morw posts like this, I'll be going downhill only :P

  8. cool discussion....
    hope you well.
    miss you in our spot.

  9. The theme 4 our Monday poetry potluck this week is 7 sins…if you could write a poem related to our theme, link to our potluck, that’s would be a bliss to us, you could simply link in a random poem to share, the pleasure is all yours.
    check out us at http://jinglepoetry.blogspot.com/,
    our potluck is open Sunday 8pm to Wednesday, 8am.
    Hope to see you in our team this week.

  10. lamo.. aaahh this can almost be "corportae training" .. btw i did try the hand dryer trick once :) :P


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