When will you settle down?

Why is everyone off to do M.S or MBA?

When I tel people I don't wanna do either, they look at me like a retard. It got me thinking, "Am I one?" Maybe I am. or maybe not. Maybe everyone else is crazy. These people are just half of the crowd I know. The rest of them are scurrying to find the perfect groom. Both of them are in the pursuit of "settling down".

Can anyone ever settle down in life? I don't think its possible, but ask yourself, how many people have thrown that phrase at you at the drop of a hat?. I'm sure your fingers and toes collectively are not enough to count.

Just when I am about to gobble the gulab jamoon on my plate at some stupid wedding reception one of the afore mentioned crowd ,there appears an uncle out of thin air. With a cheesy wink, he asks, "So next is yours." I smile sheepishly wishing, "Oh! if only cold-blooded murder were legal in this country". He keeps staring, then I say, "Whats the hurry uncle, I'm still a kid". Stupid me, its exactly the type of answers such uncles are waiting for. He retorts, "When will you "settle down" ? Look at your cousin, she is younger than you and happily married"
What does he mean settle down?? Am I some squatter? I live in a house just like him. Do people live in some underground establishment after marriage? 'Cos I know only one "down" and thats where I am right now!

Coming back to the other half. An irritating "friend" pokes you on facebook. This is the conversation that ensues
He/She:"Hey whats up?!"
Me:"Nothing much, you tell"
He/she:"Nothing just chilling here ("Here" refers to Chicago/CA/wherever on the northern hemisphere).. So what r ur plans?"
Me:"For the weekend?"
He/She:"No yaar, in life? I mean, MS or MBA?"
Me: "I don't wanna do both"
He/She: "What?!!! But why??"
Me: "I'm fine this way"
He/She: "Are you happy with that package? Don't you wanna settle down rich and happy?"

Time to log out  

Anyway, the point is people NEVER settle down. If they are married, they'll start thinking 'bout kids, if they've kids, they start thinking 'bout their scools, school over? college, college over? then their marriage!!
For the others who do their MBA/MS, if they are in India, they wanna go to US, if they've an AM's post, they vie for the Manager's, if they become the manager they'll want to get married!
It never stops
I wanna tell all those people
"I will not settle down!
This is life.
Its a vicious circle,
The circle of life, The end is death,
You can't settle down when you are alive,
If you wanna settle down, then just die,
you will be made to "settle down", whether you like it or not!
Face it!"

I'd love to see the look on their faces 

A "heads up" before you leap into the corporate jungle

Long long ago when I just left college and stepped into the corporate world, I made a list of things which I newly learnt. If you wanna read it, then here it is Things I learnt in office


Its been almost 9 months since, and guess what, I haven't stopped learning, though some maybe senseless and the rest useless things.


A heads up (Another useless corporate jargon, which in layman terms means "I'll talk and you listen") on this:


1) Before you leap into the corporate asylum, The only time you'll ever need the word 'escalate' in your vocabulary is when you go to malls and wanna get your lazy ass on to the next floor,  but once in office, you have to use this word more than 50 times a day. Keep saying, " You have a problem, You escalate" (though nothing much happens :) )


2) Did you wash your hair and come to office in a hurry? No time to blow dry? Don't you worry, there is always the hand dryer in the office restroom. It can also be used to dry the hair, why not?


3) You may think how there can be so much anarchy in our country, but you wont feel so bad once you witness "mis-management" at the grassroots level


4) You used to hate computer games before, you won't anymore. You love them, then good for you 

5) For inner peace, You may take a deep breath and chant 'Aum', but now practice taking a deep breath and pressing 'ctrl+c and ctrl+v' 


6) Get a new pair of  'Anti- Glare' glasses. Without them, you will weep in front of the computer daily.


7) Learn to make a face that to outsiders looks like I'm really interested but inside I'm in a deep slumber.

8) Learn to talk about font sizes, styles and page layouts as if you are talking about the Kashmir issue/ Maoist insurgency. Practice in front of the mirror. The more sombre your face is, better the effect.

Okay thats all for now, If you need some more such tips, ask your brother or sister or uncle or aunt or neighbor, in short any inmate of the corporate jungle. They'll be glad to share, I'm sure 

   

The last five steps

I ran to the end of the road,
I peeped over the wall,
I heard the noise,
I was used to it,
I crawled,
I was closer home now,
Just ten more steps and
I would be home safely,
In my sweet mother's arms,
I could hear her voice,
Her kind voice that beckoned to me,
Her only child, her only love

The noise became louder,
I panicked,
I was taught never to do that,
I held my breath,
The last five steps,
One for life,
One for love,
One for my mother,
One for me,
The last one for the hope,
The hope that
One day everything will be alright

This poem is for those who spend endless days and nights thinking about farcical things that may or may not happen in future. Just think about the millions who live in Kashmir or Pakistan  or Afghanistan.