How and why an actor can get his mistress banned

Today, as a producer/director/screenwriter/spotboy of the Kannada film Industry, I'm taking on the responsibility of making it world famous. Here is a shaart introduction:

Welcome to Sandalwood, or Kafi (Kannada Film Industry), or more conveniently called Kapi (Pronounced as 'Copy')

This is the most wonderful film industry in the south of Vindhyas. Though we don't boast of super hits or revenue collections, we have the most amazing library of films. We make our own movies, great movies. Don't you remember Mungaru male? If you are an ignorant to our industry, which is very unlikely (Ahem!), Let me tell you, Mungaru malhe was released in Karnataka in the summer of 2006. The director in a fit of hitherto-unforeseen creativity made this movie with a little known TV actor in the lead. People woke up to the movie, even self-respecting middle class people who run away from theatres playing our movies. That was our cornerstone, from then onwards we decided to give the people what they want. They want rain, so we give them rain. We have made hundreds of movies with the same concept, but sadly, people are so fickle minded, they don't want it anymore.

As for music in our movies, great stalwarts like Sonu Nigam sing in all our movies. Sonu is so adept at singing our tunes, it sometimes feels like you are listening to the same song you heard 2 days back, but no. It is a different one.That is our secret. All the tunes are same. You see, this song called "Anisuthide" from mungaru male became a hit, so we decided to use the same tune in all other movies. What with us being in epicentre of software industry, Bangalore, we have learnt a trick or two from them. We adopted their golden rule in our industry: Cut, Copy, Paste.

As for plots in our movies, our only mantra is, when there is rain, who needs anything else? But apparently, these days, they do. Stupid people, we can't read their minds. So we have given up.

Nowadays, we have diversified our business, since film-making is not running so well. Kapi has collaborated with the Khap panchayat and trying to dictate terms to people who are even remotely concerned with our industry, if I can call it that (maybe, it can pass off for a cottage industry). So, like I was saying, it is in everybody's interest that we dictate our terms, sometimes an insecure child has to be given all the attention it is seeking. So our first activity was to ban acttress Nikita because she was "allegedly" having an affair with our Poor "Challenging Star" Darshan. You see, Darshan being a very innocent boy was forced by Nikita to brutally harass and batter his wife Vijayalakshmi. We DO NOT encourage such behavior. This is a family-oriented industry you see.So we are going to ban her. Confused? Let me explain..

We banned Nikita. How dare she carry an affair in her own personal time and life? It is just not right!!
We thought of banning Darshan, but you see, lots of money is running on him right now, and what with us nearly being bankrupt, we cannot afford it. Anyway, it is easier to import some B-grade or TV actress from the north than replace a dumbass, pot-bellied, ugly looking actor, oh wait! that is easy too. Well, we don't wanna lose money.

But these people are always behind our lives. They just don't want their own language to prosper, all we are getting is brickbats for our novel Kapi-khap. I guess, maybe we will have to take it further. We'll have to take a bold step of asking women to stop acting. That'll make people respect us We can't keep losing our honour like this. Yes, that will be our next step. Anyway, when we have beautiful men like Sadhu Kokila who can dress up and pass off as women, why do we need them?

Yes, yes, that is my next agenda for the JPD meeting(Jobless Producers and Directors) ..I'm going to note it down.

Till then you people watch this comedy scene, sorry action sequence in Jogayya

Disclaimer: Being a life-long Kannada lover, I'm saddened by what is happening in this industry. There is absolutely nothing good coming out of it from a long time and now they are involving in such ridiculous activities, it is such a shame. People like Puttanna Kanagal must be turning in their graves seeing the present state of affairs.


  1. Though you have made this post a hilarious one.. The message you needed to convey has crossed the table. I know they are making fools of themselves getting into such a mess. I need those wonderful theme oriented movies back in action. Such wonderful concepts which keep you hooked to the set for complete 2.5 hours.. I can watch sharapanjara, bangarada manushya and the like even a 1000 times .. Where are such movies now...?? Nice post . Liked the way you presented such a trivial matter.

  2. i too think the ban on Nikita was stupid, immature & a knee-jerk reaction

  3. i wonder if sonu nigam does justice to the songs?

  4. That was so immature of the industry to ban Nikita purely based on the ALLEGED involvement she has in Darshan's case.

    Nicely written:)

  5. @Harsha- Yes it was..thanks for visiting my blog!


I'd love to read what you have to say, so please...