The Vacation that wasn't

It all started with an inception.

The idea was simple. A vacation, My mother and me. Seemed uncomplicated, didn't overplan, went to the same place we always go. My aunt's house, in Hassan, the great Devegowda's home turf.

Everything seemed simple, we packed our bags, hurtled into a Volvo, just in the nick of time. It all seemed so perfect. Even the three hours of watching an intolerable Puneet Rajkumar movie, didn't spoil my spirit. I was looking out of the window, with a smile on my face thinking of the my relaxed days in the huge expanse of their garden,

"Too much dust not there, I hope, construction and all happening know", my mom remarked. "Aiyo, Garden only not there now. So sad!" (Transliterating)

Oh shit, they tore down their garden! One down! hmm.. but still, I could lay down in one of their rooms and write away the story that's been haunting me for one whole week, I thought. Ahh! Peace, here I come.

We reached Hassan in three hours straight. I started recollecting the shady past when we used to travel for more than four and a half hours in the damn jatka gaadi type buses.  An auto dropped us to the place that'd be my getaway this quarter. I put down my bags and ran into the loo. When I was doing my business, I heard the sound of approaching anklets. I remembered the scene from the movie Chandramukhi when the ghost/heroine walks wearing anklets and scares the shit out of people. (Oh you didn't get scared? Don't overact now.) I laughed at my stupidity as I lifted the mug and poured the water, when I heard ambiguous noises, like gagagoogoo and other unmentionables. Oh! It must be Chintu, I thought. My eighteen month nephew, who I had gloriously forgotten in all my excitement. I hadn't seen him in six months. I jumped up and opened the door.

Too bad I didn't know, when I opened that door, I closed one more. The door to my peace.

Gagagoogoo continued the whole next day, coupled with, "thop thop thop thop thop", which literally means soap. The kid plays with thop the whole day, and expects you to play thop-thop with him. To put it lightly, I went mad. I told my mom that we were leaving the next day. And here I am, typing away on my laptop, at HOME, when I was supposed to be relaxing in my aunt's lawn!

Kids! I hate them.

I always thought I could tolerate kids, atleast others' kids, since they'd leave eventually. But I was the guest here, so I did the right thing. You know there's a saying, "Fish and guests stink in three days", but here it was the opposite, one of our hosts, my nephew started stinking in one hour, soosoosoosoo, he shouted, as he poured away on the carpet. That was the breaking point. I made it clear to my mom, I couldn't tolerate it a minute longer and dragged her off to a movie.

I came back to my cousin proudly narrating a story of how Chintu bit the dog's ear. I needed a good night's sleep to get over it.

I woke up the next day, today, that is, to Chintu's bangs on my loo door. I was sleepwalking till then. I avoided thinking of the next five hours we were going to spend there. My mom and I decided to go for a walk, and obviously Chintu had to join,to prevent him from creating a mini ruckus. He went inside the room, and came back looking like Junior Rajinikanth. He wore his yellow tweety cap, and multicolored sunglasses, and I couldn't help but laugh. I imagined the walk to be another looming catastrophe what with Rowdy Rathore-in-the-making accompanying us, but he just baffled me. He walked without making one small sound. Poor thing, I thought I was too hard on him. I bought him a "thop" to make up for all my nastiness. He was happier than, I think, even Aishwarya Rai was when she won that Miss World title of hers. All for a small Vim Bar.

But that didn't change anything on the peace front. It was too little, too late. I couldn't read anything, leave alone write. Chintu won in the end. He had his vacation in his own home, at my cost. He even used me as a bed to have his afternoon nap. I have tears in my eyes as I write this. God knows when I'll take my next vacation..Orei Chintu, enduku!

Lesson to be learnt: Approaching anklets always mean impending horror. How many B-grade horror movies have you watched! Still, you don't seem to understand. I guess my story will teach you a lesson.

So the next time, you hear the chiming chal chal chal of anklets, run far far away. It may be a Mohini Bhootha, Worse! It may be your eighteen month old nephew!

PS: If my cousin reads this, I will be dead. Please pray for my safety