ಕುತೂಹಲ

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ನೋಡಲು ನಡೆದೆ ಏನಿರುವುದೆಂದು ಮುಂದೆ
ಆದರೆ ತಡೆಯುವುದು ನನ್ನ ಏಕೆಂಬ ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆಯು ಹಿಂದೆ
ನೂರಾರು ಬದಿಗಳಿರುವುದು ಮುಂದೆ
ಮುಂದೆಯೂ ತಿಳಿಯದು ಹಿಂದೆಯೂ ಬಿಡದು
ಈ ಶಿಕ್ಷೆಯು ನನಗೇ ಎಕೆಂದೆ?
ಮನಸ್ಸಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಬಂದಿದ ದ್ವನಿ ಇದೊಂದೆ
ನಿನ್ನದಲ್ಲ , ಶಿಕ್ಷೆಯೂ ಅಲ್ಲ
ಇದು ಎಲ್ಲರ ಜೀವನದ ಮೊದಲ ಪರೀಕ್ಷೆ

what do i wanna do in life?

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this is one question dat i cannot stop asking myself..life would ve been so easy if every question of mine were answered..like the guides we had in school which would give us all the answers for the questions in ou syllabus in a jiffy, without having to go through the whole text book...oh i wish!..but ther are no guides in life, the various people around who are bent upon giving "good" and "practical" advice..and then there s me..one of the most confused souls in the whole wide world..here s a list of questions thats been haunting me from time immemorial......

1) why did god put me on this planet?
2) what is the one thing, out of many, that i really really want to?
3) what is the course i have to follow in life?
4) how many times can i forgive myself for making same kind of mistakes?
5) do i want to go to infosys?
6) if not, then why am i forcing myself to go?
7) if i do want, then why am i thinking so much?
8) should i try software before totally giving up on it??
9) will i ever write a book?
10) will i ever be brave enough to do the unconventional?
11) can i ever stand up for what i believe in, rather than just trying to convince myself?
12) will i regret if i go to infosys?
13) will i regret if i don go to infosys?
oh god!..im goin to infosys now..pls gimme the strength to either survive there or come back home without breaking my head over it...gimme gimme gimme now!!!!..why couldn u make me a brain like howard roark's???..i wan his brain!!..or anyone else's, for that matter, except mine..its toooooo messed up..can i exchange my brain??..ne1 interested??..pls lemme kno so that i can answer all those questions using my new brain..pls!

the talk

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btw, i had one of the most enlightening talks today with my dad..most of the times, we just argue n he gives up early..(yeah me!)..but today was a complete different scenario..i actually let him talk without interrupting..i was in a dilemma, which s been my routine from the past 2 months..i finally asked for advice..k i didn..my mom did..lol..he started off in his usual way telling me to do whatever i want..gawd!..i hate it when ppl tell me that..its so difficult to decide..once i ve got the money..im gonna hire a decision maker for me..r im gonna pay scientists to build a decision maker which can read my mind, do some voodoo type calculations n decide whats best for me..that ll be soooooooooooooooo good!!..k neways coming back to the point, in the meanwhile..i ve got my dad to make things easy for me..though he told me the usual, his metaphors n similes jus blew me away..he told me dat im in the kind of a situation where i wake up in the morning hungry, i want breakfast, i ve got a loaf of bread in front of me which i dont feel like eating.. n im tooo lazy to cook something else n so i end up starving..he also told me dat i won know the depth of a well by just peeping in..i ve gotta climb down to know..u know what..i think he s exactly right..he just described my whole infy prob in such a simple example....bravo dad!!..but the solution..hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

one million things in one little brain!

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there are two types of ppl in the world..those who can make up their minds and those who cannot..ppl are born that way..there are some ppl like this example, who wakes up one morning thinking hw s got to start singing, he quits his job and 3 years later, voila,he is award winning singer..no1 asks him what he went thru in the initial year when everything was so uncertain, when lotsa ppl called him a nutjob, when his wife left him for a "saner" and "more stable" man..but did he care??..oh no..he didnt..he did what he wanted to..he was completely focussed..he knew that one day he would achieve his goal..slowly but surely..he knew it!!!..but how does one know??..the one in question is me??..im in life s first crossroads..i ve a thousand different paths in front of me..n i dont know what to choose..im not made of the stuff legends like dat guy are..his kinda stories just disturb me..they stir me up in a sort of get-out-and-do something kind of a way..but dat something is what im in search of perpetually..my whole life s been a big unanswerable question..i get astonished at people who take life or leap decisions in a split second..i dono if they are ready to face whatever comes in their or if they are just lazy to think..when a decision is placed in front me..i ve a long process that amounts to nothing in the intermediate period of problem and action..if there is one month to decide, i while away 23 days that thinking there s still time..then this s the schedule of the final week
Sunday night- start worrying at fever pitch and thinking of alternatives for the inevitable
Monday-tell mom about unreasonable doubts and hence start the looong journey of my non-existant, assumed doubts..from mom to dad to bro to srin to dev n whoever that crosses my path
Tuesday- come to an intermediate decision and convince myself about it..then talk to sheel, hence disturbing the whole balance
Wednesday-freak out again,start unreasonable doubts' journey all over again
Thursday- come to intermediate decision 2 which is exact opposite of decision1..n start panicking, trying to make arrangements for new decision
Friday-realise that decision2 is not feasible so stick to decision1 and start making ulta arrangements
Saturday- sticking somewhat to decision1,(which s quite not what i want to do but stil..hmmm) n doing what needs to be done soon so that my pendulum of a mind doesn swing back again

OMG!!..m so tired afterjus trying to list out the process and imagine having to put myself through this process every single time..phew!

goin mad

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its 11:44 am and he s still not contacted me..no good morning nothing..something s definitely wrong..his dads not feeling well..n finally, he msgd me now..apparently he woke up late!!!!!!!!!!!....i need to take a chill pill..lol

my students:)

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thats dharmendar tilting and smiling..and kiran rao, another great guy, sitting in front of him.
this minnow(arjun,3rd std), standing in the first bench is undoubtedly my favorite,quite an attention seeker,naughtiest and most entertaining of the lot, coming up with gems like the apple,pineapple part..the one sitting in the second bench next to the wall(srinivas,4th std) is another favorite,most enterprising, confident,most promising boy in the class.3rd banch left hand side corner is a cutie called monica

going back to school

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i did go back to school but in a role reversed..after being a student for most of my life,i experienced the other side of the act..as the teacher..each one has a different perception of the teacher but one aspect is common in everyone s thoughts and that is the absolutely ludicrous statement that the "teacher is the abode of power"..i used to religiously adhere to this principle and loathe most of the bossy snappy teachers but now, since i ve been in their shoes only one emotion comes to mind and that is sympathy..teachers have no power..they are just the messengers of the great indian education system..jus fill the kids brains with unwanted, out of date, useless crap to keep them busy and out of trouble, is perhaps the message they are carrying, i feel..they get peanuts as salary and they are forced to do this work..its a gruelling job..teaching part time as an english conversation teacher at a decent private school where lots of middle class ppl send their kids to made me realise how futile a forced-to-work teacher is..one reading session on the first day, in class 3 and 90% of the class struggled to read just basic words..one girl actually read "I'll" as "I eleven" and phone as p-h-one..i couldn believe my ears..whats the use of an english teacher, regular i.e (lol), who cannot make her children read simple words??..an attempt to improve their vocabulary lasted two days but had the funniest ending..i told them to get new words from the dictionary daily..on the first day, a boy came up to me confidently and told the word "apple"..i told him he s a big boy and needs to get bigger words..the next day he walks in with a big smile and gives me the word "pineapple"..what can i say?..smart kid!..my stint at this school strengthened my belief that there s something inherently wrong in the indian education system..even the premier schools of this country advocate rote learning because of the kind of mindset..everyone thinks that his or her child must top the class..but no one is worried about the fact that the kid is not learning anything except bettering his or her memory skills..after all, whats the use of memory if there s nothing significant to remember..i wish parents ll come out of their shells and encourage children to pursue their interests, whatever they may be instead of just trying to supress them and making them study sheets and sheets of crap giving it a fancy name like "syllabus"..kids need history, not distorted facts and biased views, kids need languages, not pre rehearsed questions and answers,they need science,not only theory but also practical implementation, they need their math, not only trigonometry but also its application..BUT, most important of all,kids need their freedom,to think,to decide,and to question..we need a generation of writers,thinkers, rationalists,philanthropists,poets..and hope we put an end to the era of educated slavery in the form of confused bpo employees and software engineers who are clueless.once people realise this, the indian education system will come of age, i feel..

ping

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Had been to the much hyped restaurant cum dessert "bay" 'ping' today..watever bay means ..lol..n lemme tel u it stands up to its hype..atleast i feel..i had veggie momos n a choco dessert called original sin..i ve had a very bad experience with momos before n hence, i ws a bit apprehensive but tried it anyway bcos this place is supposed to be famous for it n apparently they make 60 varieties..jus shows wat a human mind is capable of with flour, kitchen n a stove..:)..k neway dese momos jus erased al my bad memories bout da previous exp..de were jus awesome,perfectly made, juicy n scrumptous..:P..n do dessert was really a sin to indulge in..it was also very good..though the ice cream was a bit hard but the whipped cream combination jus made up for it..al in al..it ws super!!

the dreamer in me

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now that i ve decided to blog as often as possible, get ready to hear some inane stuff, which ll make u go yaaaaaaawn!! or may interest u depending on which extreme side of the human spectrum you belong to, but i doubt any human ll read this but stil...k neways i wanna write bout the weirdest dream i ve ever got n dat was last night..i get some strange strange dreams but dis was totally out of the blue..i remember only vaguely..but ill try as much as i can to put it in words..k here it goes..i would ve gone on a trip with my college pals..we stop near this lake in the night n some of the more adventurous types plan to go on the coracle..though i can call myself mildly adventurous, my spirit depends on the type of adventure..but as a rule a coracle in a lake is a definite no-no..k dats not tha point now..ya der ll be a fortune tellerish weird ol lady at the side of the lake..n the curious cat in me jumps out to ask the same question haunting my mind during the most jobless moments of my life..will i have a love marriage or an arranged one??..lol..n she says its the former..k til now everythings normal but here comes the strange part she tells me dat ill get married on 26th september 2011!!!!!!!!..i remember this detail soooooo clearly..is it true??..gotta wait to find out..if it turns out to be den i can be woman i read bout in a novel who tels fortunes of others by dreaming bout dem..yeah me!!..

Can anyone be more confused in life??

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OK,first things first..i tel the whole world that i love writing..but is it true??..i don think so!!..m sooooooooo lazy to write..k remove write..m jus plain simple LAZY!!..today i had been to an interview in a "software" company that claims to be a "software" company but it isnt..lol..ok no complaining..oh god!!..m such a whiny wuss..but that aside..ahem..it ws one of my most enlightening experiences..til now i hadn voiced out my thoughts to anyone but today, i did.And now that i heard them aloud..i ve finally cone to a conclusion..pls wait wit bated breath ie if u haven already slept off,.....i decided to stop thinking!!..once for all...no thinking watsoever..come wat may..n one more thing im gonna follow the george costanza principle..m gonna go against my instincts..i ve been thinkin bout dis concept for a while n i think it makes complete perfect sense..m just gonna go against my instincts!!..n wats with da heading..it doesn make any sense..oh!!..again..can ne1 be more confused??