Do you eat to live or live to eat?

An average person thinks more about what to eat during the next meal time, than his work. Of course, he thinks more about everything other than work;), but thats not the point. So eating one of THE most important activities in our life, isn't it? After all, we spend more than 3 to 4 hrs a day at the dining table, especially when we are working on a 10:30 to 8:30 shift, which includes all 3 meal times. If you don't spend that much time, then you are working too hard. Not good for your health, go and eat!

 For me, eating time is sacred. I love eating and I love eating out. "Out" includes anywhere but my office cafe.

So one sunny afternoon, my group of jobless colleagues (JCs) decided to go out to a seedy sweet shop cum restaurant called "laddoos", situated in an obscure road nearby. We reached there and already my tummy was making "hungry" noises. I ordered a paneer paratha. "Yummy" :)

I started eating. It was not bad. " Okay, We can come here again", mumbled one JC, with his mouth filled with raj kachori or something. I nodded. "Why not?"

The curd given with the paratha was almost over. Then, out of nowhere a foreign object peeked out of it. It was black, it was long and it reminded me of the dissection session in my biology lab in college, when my teacher held what seemed like the whisker of the cockroach and expressionlessly said, "Students, This is the appendage".

 "Oh my gooooooooooooood!!!" It was horrible, I had already eaten so much, What could I do? Atleast if I was bulimic, I could puke out everything. I was visibly disgusted, but what could I do, other than to stop eating, which I obviously did! I shouted at the waiter, who continued the blame game, but still. It was over, the crap was already inside. My meal ruined, My mealtime gone!

I thought to myself, "I'll never eat out. From tomorrow, I'm getting lunch from home. Enough is enough!"

By that time, another JC, recovering from the shock which was not strong enough to make him stop eating his pav bhaji, said, "Oh god! Lets not eat here, come lets go to the restaurant opposite to this place, it looks cleaner"

I said, "Yeah, I heard they make good samosas"

That day I realised, I don't eat to live. I live to eat.

Shameless.

To be silly or not to be?

Silliness is an underrated state of mind where everything seems rational to you, but for others its just "Oh my god! How can she be so dumb?". Sometimes its silly not to be silly.

Like for example: You want something from your parents, you know if you sit and discuss with them either they will not agree or it will just take a looooooooooooooooooooooooot of time. So the best thing to do is be silly about it. Close your ears, and eyes and start screaming, "I want it. I want it. I WANT IT". I'm sure you'll get the desired result in a matter of minutes. Who will want to argue with a  stupid, silly, stubborn person? Will you?*

Another time this principle works is when you are trying to impress a guy. I have seen many girls who pretend to be so dumb. As an inexperienced cynic, I used to think guys are smarter than to fall for this childish trick, but guess what? They are not. They will lap up any stupid, "silly" girl they come across. After all, its easy to manipulate a dumb girl anyday, don't you think so?*

Then there's the time you have to fill a form or an application or whatever. You don't wanna take the risk of filling it yourself and making a hundred mistakes in the process but you are too proud to ask for help. Tan ta dan! time to put on your silly mask. Go to your dad. " Dad, does age mean your age or mine?", "Dad, does address mean gmail address or yahoo address?". Enough, these two questions will do the trick, if not pepper it with some more conjunctions and prepositions. He will snatch the paper and the rest will be history.*

You can repeat the same procedure with your team lead when he/she has assigned you a lot of work. Go to him and repeat similar questions like, "You mean I have to take an onshore call on this, should I call or will they call? Shall I call in the morning or evening? Who will pay the ISD bill?" You will be met with wide eyed stares, but your work there is accomplished.*

Try these.

Oh but wait,
* means "All these work in your favour, IF and ONLY IF you are a girl"

Now go try :)

You know it, but still...

How is it that when you decide not to be involved in some matter, you invariably end up so deep in it that you may drown?

I have had this experience so many times that I have lost count. I'm a person who just can't keep her mouth shut when something that she doesn't like is going on. I just can't. I've tried all methods, except for gagging myself. Maybe, I should try that.

Anyway, I am going through the same thing once again in my, what my friend calls, "a colourful life"! 

Here are some of my experiences which, when they occur in your lives, take my word, keep you bl***y mouth shut!

1) When your team meeting is going on :

You know nothing can make your project better. You know your manager is a dumba**. You know if you open your mouth asking them to change something in the system, they'll ask you to take up "the initiative"( Read: EXTRA WORK!), so isn't it better to zip up??

2)When your classmates want to go on a class trip:

You know your classmates are stupid, you know you are too. You know your HOD is the stupidest of them all. You know you'll get blasted if you try to "organize" the trip, so isn't it better to zip up?

3)When your friends are in and out of "love":

You know you will have a bad time if you get involved, You know she won't take your advice even if she asks you for it, You know better than to tell him anything, so isn't it better to zip up?

4)When your parents are giving "unnecessary advice":

You know they are doing it to show  "Who's in charge", You know afterwards they don't care if you do what they are saying or not, You know they are talking just for the sake of it, so isn't it better to zip up?!

Anyway, I've never zipped up at the right time, which leads to unwanted drama and consequent hyper tension in mine and a bunch of others' lives, but still, when another similar situation throws up, I'll never keep my bl***y mouth shut!

I know that bl***y well!

 

Someone please stop the time!!!!

I remember the time,
I saw my baby brother in the hospital,
I started crying,
I told my mom to leave him there,
I wanted to be an only child,
I still do sometimes when he's so irritating,
I was 4

I remember the time,
I was standing on my balcony,
and a monkey came,
I tried to push the monkey
with my grandmom's stick,
Instead I was rolling down the stairs,
I don't remember exactly what happened,
I was 6

I remember the time,
I erased my friend's homework,
thinking it would be amusing,
My friend didn't think so,
Nor did the teacher,
I was 8

I remember the time,
I was made to kneel outside the class,
Just because I was talking,
I couldn't believe it!,
I was 12

I remember the time I entered college,
People were amused by my initials,
I didn't understand why,
They started calling me AK 47,
I was sick of it!
I was 16

I remember the time I sat in my engineering orientation,
I thought,
"God! How can I survive here for four long years!"
and Guess what?!,
before I knew it,
It was over!
I was 22

I remember the time,
My first day in office,
I thought my training would never end,
Now it has!

Before I know it,
I'll be married!
I'll have kids!!!
I'll be thinking about their school!!!!
I'll be 40!!!!!!
God!!!!!!!!
Someone stop the time!!!!!!!!!
Stop it now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love, seduction and regret!

You look at me,
A seducing glance,
You are wearing red today,
My favorite color,
A little plump you look,
Just like the way I like you,


You sit there and you beckon to me,
I don't want to come close,
I'm done with you,
I've had enough of your mind games,
I've suffered enough,


Yesterday when you wore blue,
You looked just so irresistible,
I couldn't take my eyes off you,
I couldn't resist,
I gave up!


But today is a new day,
I'm trying hard,
I won't give up,
Wait!
Don't be so sad,
I'm coming,
I'll pick you up,
Damn you,
You bloody variety of JUNK FOOD!


I can't ignore you,
I don't hate you,
I just love you :)

Things I learnt in office

I always thought why people hate going to office, when they don't mind going back to college. I was ignorant and dumb, and was waiting to start working like all impatient college goers, who have no reason to do so except that they are perpetually broke. I always used to visualise myself shopping more and more when I start working, rather than the actual work itself.

Anyway, finally my "dream" came true and I started working about six months ago. Here are some of the things I learnt in office

1)In college, you come late, you go for a movie, anyway no point in going to class late.

There are no fixed timings in office. You come late, you go home late or you don't go home at all. They don't mind keeping you there.

2)In college, you have to beg your principal to let you have a college fest, beg some more to let you have a DJ, and fall on his feet for funds

In office, they have to beg you to attend a fest, beg some more for you to dance and funds, yeah rite, as if you are bothered!

3) In college, you hate eating at home even if the canteen food is disgusting, you prefer to go there.

In office, even if the food court stuff is palatable, you prefer eating from your 'dabba' or in some worse restaurant nearby, but not the food court

4) In college, you have to open all the windows of your classroom for a whiff of air to come in, sometimes you have to stick a piece of paper in the fan regulator for it to even start moving at 5rpm

In office, you have to tel the AC maintenance guy to increase the temperature, b'cos it is so damn cold

5) In college, you can get internal marks either by cheating in the exam/ buttering the teacher big time

In office, you actually have to work to get any sort of incentive!!:(

6)In college, if you copy in exams, they debar you for 2 yrs

In office, if you don't copy( and paste, of course), you don't get anywhere. Infact, try writing the code from scratch, and probably, they'll debar you

7) In college, you get bored at home and will be dying to go back to college to see what new stories are happening in class

In office, obviously you get bored and you will be dying to go home and see what's cooking for dinner

Anyway, the point is I don't know why I was dying to start working!!!!
N guess what?! I don't even like shopping now!